Calling All Writers

[morrigirl]

I know we got a few writers out there. Maybe y'all can be of help to me. I'm revising this poem, and I need the well trained eye of a Knox student to pick the sucker apart and offer constructive criticism. So please read, and tell me how I can improve this nameless piece of shit......

"Watch out for women
in your apples" reads the rolling
caption on CNN causing me to
imagine leagues of men sinking
their teeth through glossy red
skin into plump creamy thighs.
Can you taste the difference
between a woman and an apple,
I wonder? Such bittersweet
similarity in the juices. I catch
the caption again and read it
correctly this time: "Watch out for
worms in your apples."

I see myself as the woman and worm
of his apple, an unpleasant bite.
I fantasize being trapped, his soft
fingers curling apple skins allowing me
to stratch my legs and arch my back,
to reach out and touch your crisp
young skin, feel it in my hands,
weigh its warmth against the consequences
of illegal action.

Can't help imagine myself as Eve,
his apple, the curve-hipped bringer
of damnation offering nourishment
his body can't resist and mine
should fear. Temptation preys on
the flesh, and as I lean to brush
his surface with my lips, I can see
his skin glowing red beneath me.