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morrigirlLast week I read this dreadful erotic romance by Jory Strong, another big name in the genre. The book was "Ghostland." I bought it based on the positive review offered by a romance book blogger whose opinion I trust. She said the world building was very strong and the action intense. She made it sound more urban fantasy-esque than paranormal romancey.
Okay, I will NEVER trust that woman's opinion EVER again. "Ghostland" was painfully bad. The plot was overly complicated, the story was overly populated, and the characters were afterthoughts. The "action" didn't come from car chases or big pretty explosions, but from ridiculously euphemismed sex scenes that seemed to pop up every other page. When not fucking the heroine, the hero walked around in a state of perpetual arousal, his dick standing up at full attention whenever he thought about her, talked about her, or anyone so much as mentioned her name. Fellows, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't a constant hard-on start to hurt after a while? Wouldn't it get in the way?
Anyway, the euphemisms in this one were so awful they practically snark themselves. A sampling:
"...heat pooled in her woman's folds." - P. 60
"Her aroused scent made his penis weep and throb...He wanted to thrust in and out of her until she screamed his name and summoned the lava-hot release of his seed." - P. 87
"But it was his face that sent erotic fear slithering downward to pool between her thighs and pulse into her woman's knob. - P. 98
"Arousal leaked to coat his cock head in molten desire."
So, okay, I already knew that women were capable of excreting pools of heat from...just about every internal organ and orifice. Past reading in the romance genre taught me that. But, I didn't know they could, not only produce "erotic fear," but transmogrify it into liquid form! How come my body never does that?! I must be broken. I'll ask my gynecologist about it when I go for my annual.
And I never knew that men have a similar ability. Their dicks can spew lava-hot, seed filled, molten desire! Who knew?! I'll have to have Greg to show me because that's a trick he has definitely been keeping to himself.
And it isn't just women whose genitalia cry during sex. Apparently the penis is just as unhappy about getting pushed into the pool as the vagina is about the size of the splash. I learn so much from romance novels!
Seriously, these are so good I think I need to add a couple to my official cure for depression.
He plunged into her woman's folds, persistently intruding upon her weeping entrance while manipulating her woman's knob, summoning the lava-hot release of his seed.
*insert laughter and hyperventilation here*
Okay, I will NEVER trust that woman's opinion EVER again. "Ghostland" was painfully bad. The plot was overly complicated, the story was overly populated, and the characters were afterthoughts. The "action" didn't come from car chases or big pretty explosions, but from ridiculously euphemismed sex scenes that seemed to pop up every other page. When not fucking the heroine, the hero walked around in a state of perpetual arousal, his dick standing up at full attention whenever he thought about her, talked about her, or anyone so much as mentioned her name. Fellows, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't a constant hard-on start to hurt after a while? Wouldn't it get in the way?
Anyway, the euphemisms in this one were so awful they practically snark themselves. A sampling:
"...heat pooled in her woman's folds." - P. 60
"Her aroused scent made his penis weep and throb...He wanted to thrust in and out of her until she screamed his name and summoned the lava-hot release of his seed." - P. 87
"But it was his face that sent erotic fear slithering downward to pool between her thighs and pulse into her woman's knob. - P. 98
"Arousal leaked to coat his cock head in molten desire."
So, okay, I already knew that women were capable of excreting pools of heat from...just about every internal organ and orifice. Past reading in the romance genre taught me that. But, I didn't know they could, not only produce "erotic fear," but transmogrify it into liquid form! How come my body never does that?! I must be broken. I'll ask my gynecologist about it when I go for my annual.
And I never knew that men have a similar ability. Their dicks can spew lava-hot, seed filled, molten desire! Who knew?! I'll have to have Greg to show me because that's a trick he has definitely been keeping to himself.
And it isn't just women whose genitalia cry during sex. Apparently the penis is just as unhappy about getting pushed into the pool as the vagina is about the size of the splash. I learn so much from romance novels!
Seriously, these are so good I think I need to add a couple to my official cure for depression.
He plunged into her woman's folds, persistently intruding upon her weeping entrance while manipulating her woman's knob, summoning the lava-hot release of his seed.
*insert laughter and hyperventilation here*
