morrigirl | Symphonies in Slumberland

I have been re-discovering my love of music. All through elementary and junior high I could not fall asleep at night unless there was music playing. Back when Michael and I shared a room we'd turn the radio on to WPLJ and let it play softly all night long. I can still remember occasionally waking up in the middle of the night, seeing my turtle nightlight casting a dim glow over the room and hearing the hum of 80's new wave in the background. It was very comforting. You can't feel alone when there's music playing. Music is protection.

But sometime during high school silence became more enticing. I listened to my walkman while riding the subway to and from school, and when I went on walks, but suddenly I couldn't fall asleep with music playing anymore. When in bed I wanted peace and solitude, not protection or company.

For the last ten or twelve years I've only listened to music while walking, and sometimes while traveling. I never stopped liking music, it just stopped being critical to my well being. At the same time mainstream music took a turn for the worse with the rise of the boy bands and the teen pop princesses in the first half of the decade. Music stopped speaking to me. I could no longer find new artists that I liked. So, I just stayed with the musicians I knew and my tastes sort of stagnated for a while. I was exposed to some new-to-me stuff during college, but the new music didn't completely capture my interest and I felt no need to listen to it constantly. When I stopped being able to go for long walks, forget about it. Music dropped out of my life almost entirely.

Then I started taking the Bee Line Bus to work. The Bee Line bus drivers do not know how to drive. They don't know how to ease the vehicle into a complete stop, turn gently, or maintain a constant speed. In order to get through a ride on the Bee Line without puking my guts out I needed something to distract me so I wouldn't focus on how jerky and unsettling the ride was. Re-enter Mr. Discman and Walkman. Music provides a great distraction on those rides. I can close my eyes and just get lost in day dreams.

In fact, lately I have become so relaxed during these trips that I've been falling asleep. I have never been one to lose awareness while riding public transportation; Too many bad things could happen. But, now I nap on the way to work and I nap on the way home. This behavior is only possible because I'm staying with mom for the winter. The commute to and from her house is long and does not require a lot of transferring, whereas the commute from my apartment requires three transfers, all of which come in rapid succession so I have to stay alert.

I've come to look forward to my morning and afternoon commuter naps. I've come to rely on them even. They allow me almost two extra hours of sleep a day. My body has grown accustomed to them so it knows when to rouse me. I have yet to miss my stop because I fell asleep. All the while, it's the music I'm listening to that relaxes me and pulls me under.

I've found myself particularly drawn to Pandora recently because I'm just so eager to find new music. Just this week I bought an album by an indie artist I heard on Pandora, Laura Veirs. I LOVE it. It is so beautiful. I also bought that Stars album that has "your Ex-Lover is Dead" on it, and I really dig that one too. They're both awesome indie pop albums and there's nothing I love more than good pop. This week I have been traveling on a cloud supported by those songs. They are in my head and on my clothes and I just want more and more and more.

Oh, here's a strange coincidence that has nothing to do with anything I've just written: Yesterday morning I arrived at Grand Central a little earlier than usual. I had some time before I had to catch my train so I decided to browse the nearest news store. Naturally, I went directly to the literary magazines. I picked up the Fall 2007 issue of Cimarron because I thought the cover was pretty, and opened it to a random page. On that random page was a poem by my favorite English professor at Knox, Natania Rosenfeld! I got all giddy and happy, all "Ooooh, look what Natania wrote!" I actually didn't like the poem, but I was happy to see her work in print. Her bio said she is working on a novel. I can't wait to read it.