Feeling It
Apr. 18th, 2006 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI've finally booked a mover. FlatRate, which was recommended to me by several people, will be hauling my shit from point A to point B next Friday. They gave me a quote of $695 but I can get it lowered by reducing the number of boxes I intend to move. So this Saturday Greg and Mike and going to help me drive some of my smaller boxes up to the new crib. I still don't have keys to the house. Elio said they haven't had a copy made yet and he'll give them to me on Saturday.
Even as things fall into place I can't shake my fear that something awful is going to happen. That Micky and Elio are conning me in some way and I won't find out until after I've given up my current apartment! Or that Micky will be a landlady who uses her key to barge into my apartment at will and take my stuff. Or that the movers are going to break all my furniture and then find a reason to charge me extra for their incompetence. I don't think I have ever been this paranoid. I didn't have any of these feelings when I moved out of my mom's house. All I felt was elation and excitement. I adored my apartment, I trusted the movers, I had no fear of being fucked with.
I keep trying to rationalize the fear. Like, the only reason I didn't feel this way the last time I moved was because I was moving out of my mother's house and I knew that if anything went wrong I'd still have somewhere to live. Not the case this time. I loathe change, this is just fear of change. I'm just worrying too much, everything is really fine and I'm too uptight to realize it.
But...my gut is screaming at me to get out. To find a reason not to go through with this. But everyone keeps telling me not to worry, that this situation sounds great, I'll love it once I'm in, it's the best thing for me.
Today I have to tell my land-people that I'm not going to be here next month. I was waiting until I had a mover booked. Now I do, so I have no choice. I'm giving them less than two weeks notice and that's really shitty of me. I don't want to tell them I'm leaving. I don't want to totally commit myself to the new apartment.
Something doesn't feel right.
Even as things fall into place I can't shake my fear that something awful is going to happen. That Micky and Elio are conning me in some way and I won't find out until after I've given up my current apartment! Or that Micky will be a landlady who uses her key to barge into my apartment at will and take my stuff. Or that the movers are going to break all my furniture and then find a reason to charge me extra for their incompetence. I don't think I have ever been this paranoid. I didn't have any of these feelings when I moved out of my mom's house. All I felt was elation and excitement. I adored my apartment, I trusted the movers, I had no fear of being fucked with.
I keep trying to rationalize the fear. Like, the only reason I didn't feel this way the last time I moved was because I was moving out of my mother's house and I knew that if anything went wrong I'd still have somewhere to live. Not the case this time. I loathe change, this is just fear of change. I'm just worrying too much, everything is really fine and I'm too uptight to realize it.
But...my gut is screaming at me to get out. To find a reason not to go through with this. But everyone keeps telling me not to worry, that this situation sounds great, I'll love it once I'm in, it's the best thing for me.
Today I have to tell my land-people that I'm not going to be here next month. I was waiting until I had a mover booked. Now I do, so I have no choice. I'm giving them less than two weeks notice and that's really shitty of me. I don't want to tell them I'm leaving. I don't want to totally commit myself to the new apartment.
Something doesn't feel right.
