Principia Chaotica
Dec. 17th, 2002 04:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlThe entire house smells like pine. The tree we picked out must have been really fresh cause that thing is stronger than a taxi cab air freshner. It makes the house smell warm and cozy; coziness smells like toasty pine needles.
And we had a little drama this morning after Thor66 read the entry I wrote about him. He was pissed and hurt and all that good stuff. He said he was over it by this evening but he still sounded kinda pissed and sad when I spoke to him. Still not sure how to deal with this, though these things have a tendency to take care of themselves so I'm just gonna ride the wave of my intentions and see where it takes me.
It occurs to me that I have been startlingly cheerful since I began reading about Chaos Magick. There's just something incredibly comforting about knowing that nothing is planned, everything is random, and nothing you do has any meaning outside of that which you yourself imbue it with. I don't feel so...needy knowing this. Depression isn't something that was purposely bestowed upon me, it was random. I don't have a significant other? Big deal, relationships are random and uncontrolable as well. Cause and effect is just one big cosmic joke. Events do not cause other events, events spring forth from nothing. Thats how the universe was created, thats how it'll go out. So the best we can do with our time here is...whatever the hell we please :) And at this moment I'm so happy with the chaos that I don't feel as though I need half the things I used to consider essential to me. Chaos Magick is making me deconstruct myself. And I think that's the whole point.
I didn't work on my portfolio at all today even though I really should have. My sleep schedule is all screwed up again. Usually I write in the morning or the early afternoon. I slept right through those prime writing periods today, thus my circadian rhythms were off and I never found the inclination to write. But I have to do it tomorrow, tomorrow is do or die day. It's all gotta be ready to print by Wednesday evening. I know I can do it, I just gots to apply myself tomorrow.
But I'll have to take a break at some point to watch the new episode of Buffy. Giles is gonna show up with three new slayers :) Promises to be fun. God I hope Christopher is online tomorrow night, I SOOOO want to talk to him now :)
And we had a little drama this morning after Thor66 read the entry I wrote about him. He was pissed and hurt and all that good stuff. He said he was over it by this evening but he still sounded kinda pissed and sad when I spoke to him. Still not sure how to deal with this, though these things have a tendency to take care of themselves so I'm just gonna ride the wave of my intentions and see where it takes me.
It occurs to me that I have been startlingly cheerful since I began reading about Chaos Magick. There's just something incredibly comforting about knowing that nothing is planned, everything is random, and nothing you do has any meaning outside of that which you yourself imbue it with. I don't feel so...needy knowing this. Depression isn't something that was purposely bestowed upon me, it was random. I don't have a significant other? Big deal, relationships are random and uncontrolable as well. Cause and effect is just one big cosmic joke. Events do not cause other events, events spring forth from nothing. Thats how the universe was created, thats how it'll go out. So the best we can do with our time here is...whatever the hell we please :) And at this moment I'm so happy with the chaos that I don't feel as though I need half the things I used to consider essential to me. Chaos Magick is making me deconstruct myself. And I think that's the whole point.
I didn't work on my portfolio at all today even though I really should have. My sleep schedule is all screwed up again. Usually I write in the morning or the early afternoon. I slept right through those prime writing periods today, thus my circadian rhythms were off and I never found the inclination to write. But I have to do it tomorrow, tomorrow is do or die day. It's all gotta be ready to print by Wednesday evening. I know I can do it, I just gots to apply myself tomorrow.
But I'll have to take a break at some point to watch the new episode of Buffy. Giles is gonna show up with three new slayers :) Promises to be fun. God I hope Christopher is online tomorrow night, I SOOOO want to talk to him now :)
