*Gnashes Teeth*
Aug. 6th, 2002 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlMy depression is being transformed into pure unrefined hatred. Right now I am pissed at everyone and everything and not even for any particular reason! Well, there are reasons but none of them warrent the sort of anger and frustration I feel right now.
But let's start out positive shall we? I was released from jury duty today. If you don't get picked in two days they let you go home. So this week I earned 80 bucks for doing nothing :) Which is kinda what I do at the library anyway. Only this was better because the GOVERNMENT is paying me.
And that was all the good that really came of this day. First off today is my brother's 31st birthday. I completely forgot because I am much too self-involved at the moment. So I forgot to buy him a present and felt bad about that. But I told him I'd buy him one when I got some more money. Mom, Danielle, Mike and I went out to dinner to a restaurant that did not serve anything I eat. I told everyone one not to make a huge issue out of it, and to their credit they didn't. But Mike must have been in a mood because he kept snapping at me and giving me his "damn you are annoying me" look. Like most fellas Mike is enjoying his birthday less and less as he grows older. So he was in a mood, which of course put me in a mood, so we were both moody.
And Aurelie over heard Mike and Danielle talking about this here journal and now she wants to read it! Over my dead body! I'm sorry but I am still pissed about the other night. I'm still pissed that she is trying to be all buddy buddy all of a sudden. I don't trust it. And she obviously has no real experience dealing with or interpreting the feelings of a depressed person. She trivializes the situation by thinking everything would change if I stopped reading and went clubbing until 5 AM. I don't want that girl anywhere near my private (?) thoughts.
And Kirk obviously hasn't paid his phone bill yet this month because I just called and got that same annoying message. Now I really shouldn't be angry about this. Only I don't have his address or email, his cell phone is the only way I can contact him. And being a fatalist, whenever that phone shuts off I think "Oh God he's gonna go throw himself off a bridge!" I'm not a controling person. But I get scared with Kirk. I mean he did try to kill himself. More then once. I think he is wonderful and I don't want to see him hurting. I don't think I've ever worried this much about a partner or friend in my entire life.
And a more trivial aspect to the anger is that I am leaving in 6 weeks and want to spend as much time with him as possible. I can't do that if I can't get a hold of him.
Goddess, why am I so psycho?
Yeah, so I am just in a general state of irkedness. For no good reasons as you can see. And I'm tired and I wanna go lay down.
C. Ya
Carla
But let's start out positive shall we? I was released from jury duty today. If you don't get picked in two days they let you go home. So this week I earned 80 bucks for doing nothing :) Which is kinda what I do at the library anyway. Only this was better because the GOVERNMENT is paying me.
And that was all the good that really came of this day. First off today is my brother's 31st birthday. I completely forgot because I am much too self-involved at the moment. So I forgot to buy him a present and felt bad about that. But I told him I'd buy him one when I got some more money. Mom, Danielle, Mike and I went out to dinner to a restaurant that did not serve anything I eat. I told everyone one not to make a huge issue out of it, and to their credit they didn't. But Mike must have been in a mood because he kept snapping at me and giving me his "damn you are annoying me" look. Like most fellas Mike is enjoying his birthday less and less as he grows older. So he was in a mood, which of course put me in a mood, so we were both moody.
And Aurelie over heard Mike and Danielle talking about this here journal and now she wants to read it! Over my dead body! I'm sorry but I am still pissed about the other night. I'm still pissed that she is trying to be all buddy buddy all of a sudden. I don't trust it. And she obviously has no real experience dealing with or interpreting the feelings of a depressed person. She trivializes the situation by thinking everything would change if I stopped reading and went clubbing until 5 AM. I don't want that girl anywhere near my private (?) thoughts.
And Kirk obviously hasn't paid his phone bill yet this month because I just called and got that same annoying message. Now I really shouldn't be angry about this. Only I don't have his address or email, his cell phone is the only way I can contact him. And being a fatalist, whenever that phone shuts off I think "Oh God he's gonna go throw himself off a bridge!" I'm not a controling person. But I get scared with Kirk. I mean he did try to kill himself. More then once. I think he is wonderful and I don't want to see him hurting. I don't think I've ever worried this much about a partner or friend in my entire life.
And a more trivial aspect to the anger is that I am leaving in 6 weeks and want to spend as much time with him as possible. I can't do that if I can't get a hold of him.
Goddess, why am I so psycho?
Yeah, so I am just in a general state of irkedness. For no good reasons as you can see. And I'm tired and I wanna go lay down.
C. Ya
Carla
