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morrigirlI am very sick. Both physically and mentally.
I tried calling some of Fran's recommended shrinks today only to discover that they are all therapists and none of them are authorized to perscribe medication. I've been off my meds for a while now, I'm not sure exactly how long. It may be two weeks, it may be three. I don't know. All I know is there is a direct relation between me going off meds and the resurgence of crying jags in my life. I think I've cried at least once everyday this week, usually more.
I got really upset and started crying this afternoon because I couldn't find a psychiatrist. And because I really don't want to go back to school in the fall. And I want to move out but have no financial means to do so. So I'm stuck in a life that I believe is killing me. I became so hysterical I threw up. All over the rug in the bathroom.
Food is beginning to scare me. All this week everytime I've eaten anything I've had a stomachache immediately afterwards, tons of gas, or I've thrown up. I can't eat without my body having a severe physical reaction of some kind. It's gotten to the point that my stomach doesn't get hungry, even though I still get lightheaded if I don't eat.
I've developed a new sensitivity to light and sound. Loud sounds like the TV, or even music give me splitting headaches. But Mom has the TV on constantly so it's hard to escape all the noise. It's driving me even crazier then I already am. Light is also a problem. I get headaches from heat, direct sunlight, even the bright lights in this house. Only very dim lighting, like at sunset, makes me feel okay. And total darkness is very good too.
I don't know what to do. I think all of the above is related to emotional and environmental stresses. But I don't know what can stop my symtoms.
Living here with mom is starting to be like living with Mary. There is constant noise, I can't hear myself think, I have no personal space, I can't spread out at all, and I feel like all I do is try to keep Mom happy and keep myself out of her hair.
I need to get out of here. But this isn't like last summer where all I had to do was call Craig Southern and request new housing. I'm stuck here. And I have no one to help me get out.
No one to tell me there is hope. No one to tell me...anything good. Anything at all.
I think I seriously need to begin considering hospitalization again.
I tried calling some of Fran's recommended shrinks today only to discover that they are all therapists and none of them are authorized to perscribe medication. I've been off my meds for a while now, I'm not sure exactly how long. It may be two weeks, it may be three. I don't know. All I know is there is a direct relation between me going off meds and the resurgence of crying jags in my life. I think I've cried at least once everyday this week, usually more.
I got really upset and started crying this afternoon because I couldn't find a psychiatrist. And because I really don't want to go back to school in the fall. And I want to move out but have no financial means to do so. So I'm stuck in a life that I believe is killing me. I became so hysterical I threw up. All over the rug in the bathroom.
Food is beginning to scare me. All this week everytime I've eaten anything I've had a stomachache immediately afterwards, tons of gas, or I've thrown up. I can't eat without my body having a severe physical reaction of some kind. It's gotten to the point that my stomach doesn't get hungry, even though I still get lightheaded if I don't eat.
I've developed a new sensitivity to light and sound. Loud sounds like the TV, or even music give me splitting headaches. But Mom has the TV on constantly so it's hard to escape all the noise. It's driving me even crazier then I already am. Light is also a problem. I get headaches from heat, direct sunlight, even the bright lights in this house. Only very dim lighting, like at sunset, makes me feel okay. And total darkness is very good too.
I don't know what to do. I think all of the above is related to emotional and environmental stresses. But I don't know what can stop my symtoms.
Living here with mom is starting to be like living with Mary. There is constant noise, I can't hear myself think, I have no personal space, I can't spread out at all, and I feel like all I do is try to keep Mom happy and keep myself out of her hair.
I need to get out of here. But this isn't like last summer where all I had to do was call Craig Southern and request new housing. I'm stuck here. And I have no one to help me get out.
No one to tell me there is hope. No one to tell me...anything good. Anything at all.
I think I seriously need to begin considering hospitalization again.
