2 Miles Later
Jul. 9th, 2002 07:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI went on a nice long walk to the Barnes and Noble on 64th Street today. I swear B and N is becoming like Starbucks now, there's one on every corner. I guess at any given time you need two chains that together take up every corner in the city. It used to be Starbucks and the Gap. Well now that Gap is going under it looks like B and N is poised to take its place. It's kind of sad really. I remember when all we had was the small B and N on 83rd street. I liked it because it was homey and unique. And now it's a fucking superstore. I weep for my lost childhood.
Anyway, when I got back I talked to Gemma and Steffi online. Steffi was a honey and directed me to a new Chicago apartment locator website. She said it's the one she's using to find an apartment and that it's the one Gayle used too. I was playing on it for a while this afternoon and discovered that I could get a studio apartment in a nice part of town for 450 a month! How awesome is that? I could get a one bedroom for only a hundred dollars more.
Do you realize how sweet that would be? Even if I got a shitty minimum wage job I could afford 450 a month. So it looks like the prospect of me moving out of this blasted house is not so bleak after all. I was thinking, I work very well when I have a goal in life. I've currently been working towards the goal of finishing my degree. This goal obviously isn't very important to me because I haven't been doing anything to achieve it. So I think I need a NEW goal with better incentives to work towards. I've decided that new goal shall be to get out of this fucking house and into one of my own in one year! See now there is a well thought out goal. I've given myself a time frame, and it is a goal that incorperates all of the other things I should be working on. For instance I can't move out unless I can get a job and I am more likely to achieve employment with a college degree. See how I did that?
Really, it's just becoming clearer and clearer with each passing day that I am long overdue to move out of this hell hole. I've wanted to runaway since I was 6 fer cryin out loud! I tried to move in with my dad when I was 14, didn't work. I went away to college for the sole purpose of getting out of my house. I love this city I really do. But I can't afford to live here independently. And I can't spend the rest of my limited youth under my mothers thumb.
There are so many things I DON'T do because I'm afraid of what she will say, or think, sometimes I'm afriad she will make fun of me. All she does is criticsize me and I don't even DO anything. She is constantly all up in my business when I'm here and frankly I'd like to have a little business that doesn't involve her!
I've been thinking about all the things I could have if I lived on my own and supported myself. I think compiling a list might serve as incentive as I work towards independence.
A checking account (Mom would never let me have one. She didn't think there was any reason I needed checks. Well what if I want to send away for a dildo from toys in babeland huh? I don't wanna have to go through my MOM!)
A credit card
Venetian blinds (mom hates em)
My own rugs
Could walk around my apartment naked!
Don't have to have the TV on all the time
Could hold rituals without having to worry about privacy or space.
I could move furniture around
I dont have to celebrate christian holidays like Christmas.
I could unplug the phone if I wanted to
I could dust
Have my own pictures decorating my house
I could burn candles and incense constantly
I could buy my own furniture (and it would all be blue)
I could bake cookies
I could try new foods without having anyone make fun of me.
I could dance in the living room
I could workout without having anyone make fun of me
I could meditate without being made fun of or having to worry about privacy
I could invite people over without having to ask permission.
I could make a mess and clean it up at my leisure
I could s p r e a d o u t
This is just a small list of the perks of living alone. I will surely be adding to it as my plan of action take shape.
And on a completely unrelated note, I have been staring at Kevin's screen name all fucking day and getting pissed about it just being there. Why the hell do I keep him on my list? I think somewhere I'm still hoping he will IM me someday and be like oh I suck take me back...which of course I never would. Hell I would never even be his friend again he was so unsupportive of me. I just kept looking at his screen name and thinking of the girl he is probably fucking and how happy he prolly is with her and how much he doesn't miss me or even give two shits about what is going on in my life. He never cared about me. If he did he would have been a better friend and a kinder human being. So kids do you think it's time I just finally blocked him and washed my hands of this shit? Why am I even writing about this? Is it a futile attampt to see if he still reads my journal? Am I groping for a response? Am I still so fucked up I would try to win back someone who was absolutely terrible to me rather then be alone? I dunno. *shrug* Who cares right?
Gemma sent me the revised copy of our guest list. I would post it only I think one list per entry is enough. Maybe I'll put it up tomorrow. Okay I'm hungry. Food.
Anyway, when I got back I talked to Gemma and Steffi online. Steffi was a honey and directed me to a new Chicago apartment locator website. She said it's the one she's using to find an apartment and that it's the one Gayle used too. I was playing on it for a while this afternoon and discovered that I could get a studio apartment in a nice part of town for 450 a month! How awesome is that? I could get a one bedroom for only a hundred dollars more.
Do you realize how sweet that would be? Even if I got a shitty minimum wage job I could afford 450 a month. So it looks like the prospect of me moving out of this blasted house is not so bleak after all. I was thinking, I work very well when I have a goal in life. I've currently been working towards the goal of finishing my degree. This goal obviously isn't very important to me because I haven't been doing anything to achieve it. So I think I need a NEW goal with better incentives to work towards. I've decided that new goal shall be to get out of this fucking house and into one of my own in one year! See now there is a well thought out goal. I've given myself a time frame, and it is a goal that incorperates all of the other things I should be working on. For instance I can't move out unless I can get a job and I am more likely to achieve employment with a college degree. See how I did that?
Really, it's just becoming clearer and clearer with each passing day that I am long overdue to move out of this hell hole. I've wanted to runaway since I was 6 fer cryin out loud! I tried to move in with my dad when I was 14, didn't work. I went away to college for the sole purpose of getting out of my house. I love this city I really do. But I can't afford to live here independently. And I can't spend the rest of my limited youth under my mothers thumb.
There are so many things I DON'T do because I'm afraid of what she will say, or think, sometimes I'm afriad she will make fun of me. All she does is criticsize me and I don't even DO anything. She is constantly all up in my business when I'm here and frankly I'd like to have a little business that doesn't involve her!
I've been thinking about all the things I could have if I lived on my own and supported myself. I think compiling a list might serve as incentive as I work towards independence.
A checking account (Mom would never let me have one. She didn't think there was any reason I needed checks. Well what if I want to send away for a dildo from toys in babeland huh? I don't wanna have to go through my MOM!)
A credit card
Venetian blinds (mom hates em)
My own rugs
Could walk around my apartment naked!
Don't have to have the TV on all the time
Could hold rituals without having to worry about privacy or space.
I could move furniture around
I dont have to celebrate christian holidays like Christmas.
I could unplug the phone if I wanted to
I could dust
Have my own pictures decorating my house
I could burn candles and incense constantly
I could buy my own furniture (and it would all be blue)
I could bake cookies
I could try new foods without having anyone make fun of me.
I could dance in the living room
I could workout without having anyone make fun of me
I could meditate without being made fun of or having to worry about privacy
I could invite people over without having to ask permission.
I could make a mess and clean it up at my leisure
I could s p r e a d o u t
This is just a small list of the perks of living alone. I will surely be adding to it as my plan of action take shape.
And on a completely unrelated note, I have been staring at Kevin's screen name all fucking day and getting pissed about it just being there. Why the hell do I keep him on my list? I think somewhere I'm still hoping he will IM me someday and be like oh I suck take me back...which of course I never would. Hell I would never even be his friend again he was so unsupportive of me. I just kept looking at his screen name and thinking of the girl he is probably fucking and how happy he prolly is with her and how much he doesn't miss me or even give two shits about what is going on in my life. He never cared about me. If he did he would have been a better friend and a kinder human being. So kids do you think it's time I just finally blocked him and washed my hands of this shit? Why am I even writing about this? Is it a futile attampt to see if he still reads my journal? Am I groping for a response? Am I still so fucked up I would try to win back someone who was absolutely terrible to me rather then be alone? I dunno. *shrug* Who cares right?
Gemma sent me the revised copy of our guest list. I would post it only I think one list per entry is enough. Maybe I'll put it up tomorrow. Okay I'm hungry. Food.
