Inspecting the Threads
Apr. 22nd, 2002 10:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlThinking.
All right, I am not mentally healthy enough to do work right now. We know this. I need time to get my head together. Galesburg having very few reliable counseling services is not the place to do that. So how do I continue on for another month if I don't have the resources to help myself and I can't deal with my current responsibilities?
Some ideas are coming to mind.
Tammy sudggested I ask some of my teachers to ease up on my workload, make exceptions for me in essence. It's a nice idea but I'm not sure even an easier courseload would make any difference at this point. Right now none of the work I have to do makes sense, it all looks pointless to me.
But there is always Dean Bailey. I can't take any time off, we know that, I can't drop a class or anything like that. I must get these credits regardless of whether or not I come back next year. But I can't get them now. So....
I did pretty well with my incompletes last term. Sure I procrastinated and saved them until the last minute but I still got them in on time and I am satisfied with my results, knowing that I did the best I could with what I had.
I'm thinking maybe I should take three incompletes and just work on the assignments over summer. I know that may deafeat the purpose of taking time off, but what's more logical, keep plugging away and making myself even sicker, or doing the work when I have more time on my hands, less stress in my life, and am in a place where I can get good treatment? Like I'm honestly thinking about spending time at an in-patient treatment facility when I get back to the city. If insurance can cover it I think I may do it.
I think I may be able to get more work done if I can do it on my own time in my own way and not have to worry about teachers and dealines hanging over my head.
As an idea I think it is worth discussing. I'll go make an appointment to see Dean Bailey tomorrow.
I almost called my mom tonight and talked to her about all this but then I was wise enough to stop myself. It's about time I realized that she is no help when I'm depressed. After 8 years she still has no idea how to deal with it. And that's funny since she was the one who insisted I was depressed in the first place and pushed me into therapy. I think she thought depression was something that could be cured and that if she just got me to a doctor all would be well and I'd never get crazy ever again. Yeah right. Well therapy taught me that depression is a disease comparable with terminal Cancer; you can't cure it you can only manage it. I dont think Mom has yet to accept that this is never going away. I will never be 100% happy. Therefore she can't fully understand how my depression functions or what she can do to help.
Furthermore I don't think she realizes that it is her responsibility to help. The doctors and meds can't do the work alone and neither can I for that matter. She has yet to realize the powers of emotional support which I don't feel I can get from her. Whenever I tell her I'm depressed she just gets hysterical and thinks that a therapist and medication will solve the problem. Someone really needs to educate her on this matter. Maybe I should give her some books to read.
All right, I am not mentally healthy enough to do work right now. We know this. I need time to get my head together. Galesburg having very few reliable counseling services is not the place to do that. So how do I continue on for another month if I don't have the resources to help myself and I can't deal with my current responsibilities?
Some ideas are coming to mind.
Tammy sudggested I ask some of my teachers to ease up on my workload, make exceptions for me in essence. It's a nice idea but I'm not sure even an easier courseload would make any difference at this point. Right now none of the work I have to do makes sense, it all looks pointless to me.
But there is always Dean Bailey. I can't take any time off, we know that, I can't drop a class or anything like that. I must get these credits regardless of whether or not I come back next year. But I can't get them now. So....
I did pretty well with my incompletes last term. Sure I procrastinated and saved them until the last minute but I still got them in on time and I am satisfied with my results, knowing that I did the best I could with what I had.
I'm thinking maybe I should take three incompletes and just work on the assignments over summer. I know that may deafeat the purpose of taking time off, but what's more logical, keep plugging away and making myself even sicker, or doing the work when I have more time on my hands, less stress in my life, and am in a place where I can get good treatment? Like I'm honestly thinking about spending time at an in-patient treatment facility when I get back to the city. If insurance can cover it I think I may do it.
I think I may be able to get more work done if I can do it on my own time in my own way and not have to worry about teachers and dealines hanging over my head.
As an idea I think it is worth discussing. I'll go make an appointment to see Dean Bailey tomorrow.
I almost called my mom tonight and talked to her about all this but then I was wise enough to stop myself. It's about time I realized that she is no help when I'm depressed. After 8 years she still has no idea how to deal with it. And that's funny since she was the one who insisted I was depressed in the first place and pushed me into therapy. I think she thought depression was something that could be cured and that if she just got me to a doctor all would be well and I'd never get crazy ever again. Yeah right. Well therapy taught me that depression is a disease comparable with terminal Cancer; you can't cure it you can only manage it. I dont think Mom has yet to accept that this is never going away. I will never be 100% happy. Therefore she can't fully understand how my depression functions or what she can do to help.
Furthermore I don't think she realizes that it is her responsibility to help. The doctors and meds can't do the work alone and neither can I for that matter. She has yet to realize the powers of emotional support which I don't feel I can get from her. Whenever I tell her I'm depressed she just gets hysterical and thinks that a therapist and medication will solve the problem. Someone really needs to educate her on this matter. Maybe I should give her some books to read.
