Live and Let Love
Mar. 30th, 2002 02:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI can't sleep. I was tired, but then Clark came over and now I'm not anymore.
He made me feel bad. I know he didn't mean to, but he did. I prolly should have told him. I felt bad after I hung out at his place before break, and I feel bad now, and I used to feel bad after we would make out. See a pattern here?
Just talking to him made me feel all defective again. I mean I was feeling pretty nifty before hand. Adrienne and I were flirting our heads off at dinner. It's getting more and more suggestive by the night. And I was feeling really great about that. Well kinda. Flirting with Adrienne makes me feel special and powerful and excited. And I know I should just go up to her and be like "let's go out to Landmark or something." But something in me likes keeping her as a fantasy. Something inside me is yelling "don't touch!"
Furthermore, I don't really feel like I want to be touched. I have not felt the least bit horny in weeks! I don't want sex, I really don't. I'm not even sure I want to be kissed anymore.
I want to be valued.
I feel worthless in the romantic arena. No one likes me, no one wants me. And it wouldn't matter if they did because I'm not in the mood for a romantic relationship right now. Yet I crave the emotional security that accompanies it.
That's it, I want emotional security.
Anyone got any to spare?
He made me feel bad. I know he didn't mean to, but he did. I prolly should have told him. I felt bad after I hung out at his place before break, and I feel bad now, and I used to feel bad after we would make out. See a pattern here?
Just talking to him made me feel all defective again. I mean I was feeling pretty nifty before hand. Adrienne and I were flirting our heads off at dinner. It's getting more and more suggestive by the night. And I was feeling really great about that. Well kinda. Flirting with Adrienne makes me feel special and powerful and excited. And I know I should just go up to her and be like "let's go out to Landmark or something." But something in me likes keeping her as a fantasy. Something inside me is yelling "don't touch!"
Furthermore, I don't really feel like I want to be touched. I have not felt the least bit horny in weeks! I don't want sex, I really don't. I'm not even sure I want to be kissed anymore.
I want to be valued.
I feel worthless in the romantic arena. No one likes me, no one wants me. And it wouldn't matter if they did because I'm not in the mood for a romantic relationship right now. Yet I crave the emotional security that accompanies it.
That's it, I want emotional security.
Anyone got any to spare?
