Last Night Alone
Feb. 17th, 2002 12:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlWell this is my last night alone before Tina gets back. I have really enjoyed having the room all to myself. And its Saturday so of course the Tri Delts are playing drinking games and being obnoxious.
I got a pretty good amount of Philosophy work done today. Tomorrow I'm focusing on poetry.
*sigh* I just got back from Lindsey's. She got into law school today. She got into Kent. Yay her. While I was over there I was watching Katie and Jeremiah. They are so cute. They have been together for like 3 or 4 years now and they are still totally in love. Just the way jeremiah looks at Katie when she talks, it's so great. You can just tell he is totally into her. And they were cuddling and being all cute. They are both really great people and they completely deserve each other. I just wish I had a relationship as great as theirs. I wish someone would look at me the way Jeremiah looks at Katie. I wish I could be that sweet and fascinating in someones eyes, that spellbinding.
I kind of miss Kevin tonight. I wish I had him here to cuddle with, though the last time we talked I got the distinct feeling that he doesn't see me as anything other then a friend right now which kind of sucks because I am obviously aiming for something more. Ultimately I would like to have him as a boyfriend again. I can't believe I am admitting that. But it's still three and half months before I get to go home and I don't think any romantic feelings he has for me can be sustained that long. He'll prolly have a new girlfriend by the time I get back. Prolly won't be the least bit interested.
God why do I torture myself like this? Like, I wasn't even thinking about any of this today. All day I've been doing homework and feeling very accomplished. I've been productive. But as of the last hour I've been reflecting on this other romantic shit. Like I've said before I just shouldn't let myself think! I should just do my work and...yeah thats it. I'm so much happier when I just devote myself to academics. Who cares if it exhausts and stresses me out. At least it prevents me from feeling anything and that's a huge plus. It's so weird, if you look at my report card you can tell what terms I was dealing with my emotions and which terms I was ignoring them. Any term where the grades suck, I've been dealing with some heavy emotional issues. Any term when I've gotten straight As I've been totally suppresing my feelings.
I wish I could call Kevin right now. I really want to talk to him.
Why did I just say that?
I got a pretty good amount of Philosophy work done today. Tomorrow I'm focusing on poetry.
*sigh* I just got back from Lindsey's. She got into law school today. She got into Kent. Yay her. While I was over there I was watching Katie and Jeremiah. They are so cute. They have been together for like 3 or 4 years now and they are still totally in love. Just the way jeremiah looks at Katie when she talks, it's so great. You can just tell he is totally into her. And they were cuddling and being all cute. They are both really great people and they completely deserve each other. I just wish I had a relationship as great as theirs. I wish someone would look at me the way Jeremiah looks at Katie. I wish I could be that sweet and fascinating in someones eyes, that spellbinding.
I kind of miss Kevin tonight. I wish I had him here to cuddle with, though the last time we talked I got the distinct feeling that he doesn't see me as anything other then a friend right now which kind of sucks because I am obviously aiming for something more. Ultimately I would like to have him as a boyfriend again. I can't believe I am admitting that. But it's still three and half months before I get to go home and I don't think any romantic feelings he has for me can be sustained that long. He'll prolly have a new girlfriend by the time I get back. Prolly won't be the least bit interested.
God why do I torture myself like this? Like, I wasn't even thinking about any of this today. All day I've been doing homework and feeling very accomplished. I've been productive. But as of the last hour I've been reflecting on this other romantic shit. Like I've said before I just shouldn't let myself think! I should just do my work and...yeah thats it. I'm so much happier when I just devote myself to academics. Who cares if it exhausts and stresses me out. At least it prevents me from feeling anything and that's a huge plus. It's so weird, if you look at my report card you can tell what terms I was dealing with my emotions and which terms I was ignoring them. Any term where the grades suck, I've been dealing with some heavy emotional issues. Any term when I've gotten straight As I've been totally suppresing my feelings.
I wish I could call Kevin right now. I really want to talk to him.
Why did I just say that?
