The Fantasy
Feb. 17th, 2002 09:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlWell, it is now, 8:40 AM. I have not gone to sleep yet and doubt that I will before having to go work at the music library at 1 pm. And yet again I have managed to have another weird evening, this time my partner in strangeness was Moses. (But don't act so shocked it was bound to happen eventually.)
Anyway, I was on IM around 5 in the morning and Moses was on too so we started talking. He was feeling horny and I was feeling a bit...in need shall we say, myself. So we both just got to talking about how much wed really like to get laid. And then...I dont know, things got strange. We started talking about how if the other was in the room right then neither of us would be able to resist temptation. We were totally toeing a line. Our hormones were getting the better of us. But don't worry, there was no fucking or dirty talk or anything. Eventually we both regained our reason and said good night. But it was strange to talk like that with Moses after three years, mainly because I know he doesn't like me that way. And I don't like him that way, not anymore. He just wanted SOMEONE and I was there. Just like freshman year.
And tonight, I don't even think its sex I'm yearning for. I've said it before and I'll say it again, sex just isn't important to me. What I really miss right now is the sweet stuff. I miss having my hair stroked, my hand held, my cheek touched. I miss cuddling and being cuddled. I miss looking deeply into someone's eyes and just getting lost in them. That's what I really want tonight.
And what even funnier is I've been thinking about Kevin a lot tonight. How nice it was to fall asleep in his arms. How much I wish I had him to hold close to me. How lovely his kisses were. I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, that it is dangerous and might inspire me to have hope where there is none, but I can't help it. I want Kevin and I to get back together, there I've admitted it straight up. I miss him. But I don't know if he really misses me, as a partner I mean. I wish I could see him though, that would give me something more concrete to work with. If I could see him, interact with him, touch him, I could guage his reactions and see if he really does want me back at all. I almost want to go home for spring break for this very purpose. I guess I'm more impatient then I think I am. I want to know now precisely what he wants from me. I don't want to have to wait and see what happens. I know what I want. I just wish he wanted the same thing :(
But he prolly doesnt, so I just have to sit here and be unheld, untouched, unkissed, and uncuddled.
Anyway, I was on IM around 5 in the morning and Moses was on too so we started talking. He was feeling horny and I was feeling a bit...in need shall we say, myself. So we both just got to talking about how much wed really like to get laid. And then...I dont know, things got strange. We started talking about how if the other was in the room right then neither of us would be able to resist temptation. We were totally toeing a line. Our hormones were getting the better of us. But don't worry, there was no fucking or dirty talk or anything. Eventually we both regained our reason and said good night. But it was strange to talk like that with Moses after three years, mainly because I know he doesn't like me that way. And I don't like him that way, not anymore. He just wanted SOMEONE and I was there. Just like freshman year.
And tonight, I don't even think its sex I'm yearning for. I've said it before and I'll say it again, sex just isn't important to me. What I really miss right now is the sweet stuff. I miss having my hair stroked, my hand held, my cheek touched. I miss cuddling and being cuddled. I miss looking deeply into someone's eyes and just getting lost in them. That's what I really want tonight.
And what even funnier is I've been thinking about Kevin a lot tonight. How nice it was to fall asleep in his arms. How much I wish I had him to hold close to me. How lovely his kisses were. I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, that it is dangerous and might inspire me to have hope where there is none, but I can't help it. I want Kevin and I to get back together, there I've admitted it straight up. I miss him. But I don't know if he really misses me, as a partner I mean. I wish I could see him though, that would give me something more concrete to work with. If I could see him, interact with him, touch him, I could guage his reactions and see if he really does want me back at all. I almost want to go home for spring break for this very purpose. I guess I'm more impatient then I think I am. I want to know now precisely what he wants from me. I don't want to have to wait and see what happens. I know what I want. I just wish he wanted the same thing :(
But he prolly doesnt, so I just have to sit here and be unheld, untouched, unkissed, and uncuddled.
