Love Songs
Mar. 29th, 2005 05:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlA couple nights ago, for some bored reason, I decided to figure out who of the 41 people on my friends list I have known the longest. To my surprise, there is not a single soul on the list who has known me for more than 7 years. At first it struck me as strange since I'm the type of person who keeps her friends for decades, but now that I think about it it kinda makes sense. I didn't get my first glimpse of the internet until 1998, and didn't figure out what to do with the damn thing till 2000, so of course the people on this list who have known me the longest are the same people who taught me how to use the internet in the first place.
And being the nostalgic sap I am, I started thinking about the first time I met all of you. I can still remember. For some I remember every detail down to the color panties I was wearing at the time, for others I can't even recall the time and place. There are some of you who I know for certain don't remember our first meeting, if only for the fact that it didn't necessarily coincide with the start of our friendship. But simply recalling all those moments made me feel so warm. Not to get all sentimantal and crap but the start of a friendship is so special, so electrifying. It's the same as falling in love, only better. When you fall in love with a friend it's not because you're blinded by lust or desire, not because you're co-dependent and don't know how to be alone, it's because you genuinely like the person. No ulterior motives (for the most part.)
So in an attempt to make us all happy and nostalgic, as well as keep myself entertained for the next 4 hours, I'm going to tell the stories of how I met each and every one of you. Of course, I should mention that by "each and every one of you" I mean those of you I've had the pleasure of meeting in real life. It's much more difficult to recall "details" surrounding my online acquaintences. But for four or five notable exceptions I can't rememeber how most of us found each other. Forgive me for leaving you out my friends. However I will write about the aforementioned notable exceptions. I'm gonna proceed in chronological order, starting with the person I've known the longest to the one I've most recently come in contact with. This is gonna take a long time so I'll write in installments. This entry will cover all the people I met in 1998.
Enough blathering, let's begin.
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gender_euphoric - Though we didn't come face to face with each other until Semptember of 1998, we had our first conversation in August. It was close to a month after I'd received the letter delivering the name, address, and telephone number of my soon to be college roomate. I'd had every intention of calling her back in July, but I was too hesitent. Having been stupid enough to attend a school in the midwest I just knew I was going to have the awful luck of getting roomed with a psycho-Christian cheerleader type who refused to let me set up an altar, and was forever trying to convince me that God didn't want me to sleep with girls. Even after I saw her last name contained a "berg" I still wasn't convinced that she could be anything but my antithesis. I mean her name was Melissa Joy for Christ sakes! There's a blond name if ever I heard one! And when I tried looking up her hometown of Alsip in one of my mom's trusty atlases I couldn't find it! I actaully had the fleeting idea that maybe my psycho roomie had made it up!
A week before heading out to Illinois I figured it was time to swallow my fear and call the girl I'd be living with for the next year. One night after dinner I dialed her number. He mother picked up, I told her who I was, and she handed me over to Melissa. Months later I would find out that as the hand off occurred Mel's mother had whispered the words "don't tell her," into her daughter's ear. Conversation went smoothly once Mel got on the line. We discussed the typical roomate stuff, who was gonna bring what, what kind of music we both listened to, that sorta shite. When conversation rolled around to how we planned to decorate Mel ever so artfully cleared her throat and said, "I hope you don't mind if I have a few RAINBOWS around the room?" I smiled. I had been trying to figure out how I was gonna tell her the same thing.
"Only if I can have a few of my own," I giggled. She was silent.
"I know what you're saying," I said.
"DO YOU? Do you REALLY?" she pushed. At the time I thought you had to be an idiot not to know that rainbow was the international queer color, but I learned how legitimate Mel's vehement questioning was when our first week at school we rode the bus to the mall and this stereotypical toothless redneck lady complimented Mel on her purdy rainbow necklace (freedom rings) with apparently no idea of what they actually represented.
"Well, I'm bi so..." The minute those words left my mouth I heard Mel give a huge sigh of relief. We'd both been nervous about telling each other our sexual orientation, and we marvelled at the dumb luck of the situation. (And rightfully so. Once we got to Knox we discovered that of the 33 people housed in our dorm we were the only queers. Sure Tina was on our floor but she hadn't come out yet so I can't count her.) Mel immediately began telling me about her on again - off again girlfriend Debbie, and I told her all about Dannielle. Even though we didn't "meet" until a week later, that is the story I always tell people when they ask me how I met Mel.
silent_t - I officially met Tina my first day at college. She lived across the hall from Mel and I. Those first few weeks T was pretty...well...silent. Her desk was right next to the door to her room. Whenever I passed by I'd see her crouched over the surface, intently drawing pictures of Reba McIntire, Donald Duck, Winnie the Pooh. She looked very stern, something of a loner, so I never said hi to her.
One night about a month after school started I was out in the suite one night trying to do homework when Tina came out of her room. By that point I'd pretty much given up on getting whatever it was I was working on done, and I was a fine target for distraction. I don't remeber how the conversation flowed. I assume she asked me what I was working on, I'm sure I told her, and we just went from there. We discovered we had a lot in common. We both came from big cities (she was from just outside of Chicago) and compared notes on city living. Also discovered we both suffered from Major Depression, had both been on medication, and had both been to The Hospital at some point. All of this was down right revelatory to me. In the month I'd been at Knox I hadn't met a single person who was even marginally as fucked up as I was. Everyone in those parts though of depression as a period in American history. Suicidal Tendancies was a band. They'd never even HEARD of Zoloft! Tina and I didn't really get close until the end of Winter term, but that first conversation left me feeling a little more understood out there in happy bible country.
skoriaan - Now here a person I'm genuinely shocked to realize I've known for seven years. We didn't speak to each other for so long it feels like less. In any case, I'd heard just about everything there was to hear about Moses long before I actually met him. For weeks my friend Libby had been gushing about this fellow who'd approached her in the cafeteria one day and had been relentlessly wooing her ever since. She kinda liked him, but she had a boyfriend back home who she was very devoted to and there was no chance she was gonna leave him. But she'd been having a hard time adjusting to college life and the attention this Moses guy lavished upon her seemed to make her more comfortable. So be it.
She would go on and on about him. He was tall, slim, and handsome. He was a real gentleman. He was smart, and he wasn't afraid to argue with her. The way she talked, I had visions of a modern day Adonis in my head. For weeks I pressed her to introduce us. I wanted to get a good look at this guy, give him the ole "what are your intentions?" speech, but for whatever reason Lib was never able to schedule a meeting.
Then one night in early October I was hanging out in Libby's dorm room when Moses called to ask if he could come up. She told him she had company but that he was welcome to join us. He asked if he could bring up a couple friends of his own and Libby said sure. I gave myself a quick once over before out company arrived. I patted down my hair, smoothed my skirt, squared my shoulders, I was going for the stern best friend/protector look. The "if you wanna get to her you have to go through me" appearence. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and in came Adonis.
Well...not exactly. Moses didn't look a thing like the idealized image I'd painted of him. Sure he was taller than me, as most people are, but he was short for a boy. Skinny. Blod hair and blue-eyed, sure but...in all honestly I couldn't see what Libby was making such a big deal about. Lib introduced us, we smiled, shook hands, and engaged in a little chit chat while his two friends came spilling inot the room. Becky Montgomery (a woman who would later be accused of telling one of my best friends that my laugh scared her) and Dave Sowders (a young man who was to become my closest male friend for the duration of college.)
While I wasn't all that impressed with Moses initially, the sheer force of his continued presence in Libby's life made him grow on me. He was a good coversationalist, and he was silly. Totally fun to shoot the shit with. If only I hadn't gotten jealous about all the attention he heaped upon Libby. If only I hadn't been so lonely and needy. If only I'd known what the fuck I wanted. Maybe then we wouldn't have wound up making out the night Libby finally gave him the definitive "back off" speech, and we wouldn't have spent the next 6 weeks fucking whenever and wherever we got the opportunity. If none of that had happened I wouldn't have been so upset when Allison entered the picture and forbade him to speak to me for the next two years. (I say all this with a smile. Moses knows it's all water under the bridge now.)
kdc4evr - Moses is the one who introduced me to Gayle which is kind of funny considering that she lived on the floor below me and he didn't even live in the building. I was sick the day we met. The day before I'd seen a doctor who proclaimed I was suffering from bronchitis, flarengitis, and two ear infections. He'd given me a nice shot of steroids in my ass and told me to go home and sleep. I followed his advice to the letter. By 5 PM the next day I'd yet to leave my room even to eat. This was actually before Moses and I became...whatever the hell it was we were. He was still trying to land Libby so I suspect he thought if he could get in good with her friends he'd be able to do the same with her. He had heard I was sick, so he dropped by my dorm room that day to check up on me. I was a snotty, snivelling mess. By this time we'd become fairly good friends, so it was nice to have him come by and talk with me for a bit. Having not eaten all day I was insanely hungry, but was still so miserably tired I didn't think I could make it to the cafeteria. For a half hour or so I debated whether or not to leave my bed, finally Moses convinced me I'd be better off if I ate something, so I got up, got dressed, and we made our way over the Seymour Union.
Moses steered me towards the Oak Room. It was breakfast night and he insisted that I sample the M & M pancakes. When we'd filled our trays he guided me over to a table occupied by two girls a short asian chick with hair down to her ass, and a blond in a Nirvana shirt. The former was introduced to me as Leigh, the latter, Gayle. The two were roomates who lived in Raub 2. Leigh said she was in my Intro. to Poetry class. I'd never noticed her before, and during the meal I didn't pay her much attention. Then again I wasn't paying much attention to anything. In Gayle's recollection of that evening I was pale and spacey, and I sounded funny when I talked. I do recall slurring my speech a bit and being totally uninhibited in what I said because afterall I was sick as shit, I looked like hell, why the hell did I care who I impressed?
Even so, I took an immediate interest in Gayle. She was very smart and sharp in conversation. She was very pretty. She was really laid back and didn't seem to be intimidated by anything. And she was wearing a fucking Nirvana T-shirt which meant she had good taste in music. This was the kind of girl I wished I'd been cool enough to hang with in high school. I remember thinking during the course of that meal "I'd like to be friends with her." Then a moment later "Aw, she's probably way too cool for me." Besides, I didn't have any classes with her and I hadn't seen her around campus before so we obviously travelled in different circles. I left the dinner table that night sure I would never see her ever again.
Then Leigh stepped in. Leigh apparently had taken a shine to me in my sickened stuper and started talking to me in Poetry class. She was so determinded to be my friend, I let her worm her way into my life and pretty soon we were joined at the hip. As such, at least once or twice a day I found myself down on Raub 2 knocking at Gayle's door saying, "Hey Gayle, is Leigh here?" Gayle never really said much to me, didn't engage me in conversation so I assumed she was pissed at me and my constantly uninvited presence in her dorm room. Years later she would tell me she was jealous that Leigh was the one I always came looking for because she wanted to spend time with me too.
It took roughly six months for me to figure out that maybe Gayle didn't hate me. One night I'd gone bounding down to her at 3 AM looking for Leigh, only to be told she was spending the night with Wes. I was lonely and bored, and Gayle was still awake so I decided I'd talk to her for as long as she'd let me. She had a paper ahe was trying not to write, and was entertaining herself with purity tests. I'd never seen a purity test before. So the two of us sat and took all manner of purity tests into the wee wee hours of the morning. Three hours later I remember thinking "Well, if she didn't like me, she would have kicked me out of her room already."
And being the nostalgic sap I am, I started thinking about the first time I met all of you. I can still remember. For some I remember every detail down to the color panties I was wearing at the time, for others I can't even recall the time and place. There are some of you who I know for certain don't remember our first meeting, if only for the fact that it didn't necessarily coincide with the start of our friendship. But simply recalling all those moments made me feel so warm. Not to get all sentimantal and crap but the start of a friendship is so special, so electrifying. It's the same as falling in love, only better. When you fall in love with a friend it's not because you're blinded by lust or desire, not because you're co-dependent and don't know how to be alone, it's because you genuinely like the person. No ulterior motives (for the most part.)
So in an attempt to make us all happy and nostalgic, as well as keep myself entertained for the next 4 hours, I'm going to tell the stories of how I met each and every one of you. Of course, I should mention that by "each and every one of you" I mean those of you I've had the pleasure of meeting in real life. It's much more difficult to recall "details" surrounding my online acquaintences. But for four or five notable exceptions I can't rememeber how most of us found each other. Forgive me for leaving you out my friends. However I will write about the aforementioned notable exceptions. I'm gonna proceed in chronological order, starting with the person I've known the longest to the one I've most recently come in contact with. This is gonna take a long time so I'll write in installments. This entry will cover all the people I met in 1998.
Enough blathering, let's begin.
gender_euphoric - Though we didn't come face to face with each other until Semptember of 1998, we had our first conversation in August. It was close to a month after I'd received the letter delivering the name, address, and telephone number of my soon to be college roomate. I'd had every intention of calling her back in July, but I was too hesitent. Having been stupid enough to attend a school in the midwest I just knew I was going to have the awful luck of getting roomed with a psycho-Christian cheerleader type who refused to let me set up an altar, and was forever trying to convince me that God didn't want me to sleep with girls. Even after I saw her last name contained a "berg" I still wasn't convinced that she could be anything but my antithesis. I mean her name was Melissa Joy for Christ sakes! There's a blond name if ever I heard one! And when I tried looking up her hometown of Alsip in one of my mom's trusty atlases I couldn't find it! I actaully had the fleeting idea that maybe my psycho roomie had made it up!A week before heading out to Illinois I figured it was time to swallow my fear and call the girl I'd be living with for the next year. One night after dinner I dialed her number. He mother picked up, I told her who I was, and she handed me over to Melissa. Months later I would find out that as the hand off occurred Mel's mother had whispered the words "don't tell her," into her daughter's ear. Conversation went smoothly once Mel got on the line. We discussed the typical roomate stuff, who was gonna bring what, what kind of music we both listened to, that sorta shite. When conversation rolled around to how we planned to decorate Mel ever so artfully cleared her throat and said, "I hope you don't mind if I have a few RAINBOWS around the room?" I smiled. I had been trying to figure out how I was gonna tell her the same thing.
"Only if I can have a few of my own," I giggled. She was silent.
"I know what you're saying," I said.
"DO YOU? Do you REALLY?" she pushed. At the time I thought you had to be an idiot not to know that rainbow was the international queer color, but I learned how legitimate Mel's vehement questioning was when our first week at school we rode the bus to the mall and this stereotypical toothless redneck lady complimented Mel on her purdy rainbow necklace (freedom rings) with apparently no idea of what they actually represented.
"Well, I'm bi so..." The minute those words left my mouth I heard Mel give a huge sigh of relief. We'd both been nervous about telling each other our sexual orientation, and we marvelled at the dumb luck of the situation. (And rightfully so. Once we got to Knox we discovered that of the 33 people housed in our dorm we were the only queers. Sure Tina was on our floor but she hadn't come out yet so I can't count her.) Mel immediately began telling me about her on again - off again girlfriend Debbie, and I told her all about Dannielle. Even though we didn't "meet" until a week later, that is the story I always tell people when they ask me how I met Mel.
silent_t - I officially met Tina my first day at college. She lived across the hall from Mel and I. Those first few weeks T was pretty...well...silent. Her desk was right next to the door to her room. Whenever I passed by I'd see her crouched over the surface, intently drawing pictures of Reba McIntire, Donald Duck, Winnie the Pooh. She looked very stern, something of a loner, so I never said hi to her. One night about a month after school started I was out in the suite one night trying to do homework when Tina came out of her room. By that point I'd pretty much given up on getting whatever it was I was working on done, and I was a fine target for distraction. I don't remeber how the conversation flowed. I assume she asked me what I was working on, I'm sure I told her, and we just went from there. We discovered we had a lot in common. We both came from big cities (she was from just outside of Chicago) and compared notes on city living. Also discovered we both suffered from Major Depression, had both been on medication, and had both been to The Hospital at some point. All of this was down right revelatory to me. In the month I'd been at Knox I hadn't met a single person who was even marginally as fucked up as I was. Everyone in those parts though of depression as a period in American history. Suicidal Tendancies was a band. They'd never even HEARD of Zoloft! Tina and I didn't really get close until the end of Winter term, but that first conversation left me feeling a little more understood out there in happy bible country.
skoriaan - Now here a person I'm genuinely shocked to realize I've known for seven years. We didn't speak to each other for so long it feels like less. In any case, I'd heard just about everything there was to hear about Moses long before I actually met him. For weeks my friend Libby had been gushing about this fellow who'd approached her in the cafeteria one day and had been relentlessly wooing her ever since. She kinda liked him, but she had a boyfriend back home who she was very devoted to and there was no chance she was gonna leave him. But she'd been having a hard time adjusting to college life and the attention this Moses guy lavished upon her seemed to make her more comfortable. So be it. She would go on and on about him. He was tall, slim, and handsome. He was a real gentleman. He was smart, and he wasn't afraid to argue with her. The way she talked, I had visions of a modern day Adonis in my head. For weeks I pressed her to introduce us. I wanted to get a good look at this guy, give him the ole "what are your intentions?" speech, but for whatever reason Lib was never able to schedule a meeting.
Then one night in early October I was hanging out in Libby's dorm room when Moses called to ask if he could come up. She told him she had company but that he was welcome to join us. He asked if he could bring up a couple friends of his own and Libby said sure. I gave myself a quick once over before out company arrived. I patted down my hair, smoothed my skirt, squared my shoulders, I was going for the stern best friend/protector look. The "if you wanna get to her you have to go through me" appearence. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and in came Adonis.
Well...not exactly. Moses didn't look a thing like the idealized image I'd painted of him. Sure he was taller than me, as most people are, but he was short for a boy. Skinny. Blod hair and blue-eyed, sure but...in all honestly I couldn't see what Libby was making such a big deal about. Lib introduced us, we smiled, shook hands, and engaged in a little chit chat while his two friends came spilling inot the room. Becky Montgomery (a woman who would later be accused of telling one of my best friends that my laugh scared her) and Dave Sowders (a young man who was to become my closest male friend for the duration of college.)
While I wasn't all that impressed with Moses initially, the sheer force of his continued presence in Libby's life made him grow on me. He was a good coversationalist, and he was silly. Totally fun to shoot the shit with. If only I hadn't gotten jealous about all the attention he heaped upon Libby. If only I hadn't been so lonely and needy. If only I'd known what the fuck I wanted. Maybe then we wouldn't have wound up making out the night Libby finally gave him the definitive "back off" speech, and we wouldn't have spent the next 6 weeks fucking whenever and wherever we got the opportunity. If none of that had happened I wouldn't have been so upset when Allison entered the picture and forbade him to speak to me for the next two years. (I say all this with a smile. Moses knows it's all water under the bridge now.)
kdc4evr - Moses is the one who introduced me to Gayle which is kind of funny considering that she lived on the floor below me and he didn't even live in the building. I was sick the day we met. The day before I'd seen a doctor who proclaimed I was suffering from bronchitis, flarengitis, and two ear infections. He'd given me a nice shot of steroids in my ass and told me to go home and sleep. I followed his advice to the letter. By 5 PM the next day I'd yet to leave my room even to eat. This was actually before Moses and I became...whatever the hell it was we were. He was still trying to land Libby so I suspect he thought if he could get in good with her friends he'd be able to do the same with her. He had heard I was sick, so he dropped by my dorm room that day to check up on me. I was a snotty, snivelling mess. By this time we'd become fairly good friends, so it was nice to have him come by and talk with me for a bit. Having not eaten all day I was insanely hungry, but was still so miserably tired I didn't think I could make it to the cafeteria. For a half hour or so I debated whether or not to leave my bed, finally Moses convinced me I'd be better off if I ate something, so I got up, got dressed, and we made our way over the Seymour Union.Moses steered me towards the Oak Room. It was breakfast night and he insisted that I sample the M & M pancakes. When we'd filled our trays he guided me over to a table occupied by two girls a short asian chick with hair down to her ass, and a blond in a Nirvana shirt. The former was introduced to me as Leigh, the latter, Gayle. The two were roomates who lived in Raub 2. Leigh said she was in my Intro. to Poetry class. I'd never noticed her before, and during the meal I didn't pay her much attention. Then again I wasn't paying much attention to anything. In Gayle's recollection of that evening I was pale and spacey, and I sounded funny when I talked. I do recall slurring my speech a bit and being totally uninhibited in what I said because afterall I was sick as shit, I looked like hell, why the hell did I care who I impressed?
Even so, I took an immediate interest in Gayle. She was very smart and sharp in conversation. She was very pretty. She was really laid back and didn't seem to be intimidated by anything. And she was wearing a fucking Nirvana T-shirt which meant she had good taste in music. This was the kind of girl I wished I'd been cool enough to hang with in high school. I remember thinking during the course of that meal "I'd like to be friends with her." Then a moment later "Aw, she's probably way too cool for me." Besides, I didn't have any classes with her and I hadn't seen her around campus before so we obviously travelled in different circles. I left the dinner table that night sure I would never see her ever again.
Then Leigh stepped in. Leigh apparently had taken a shine to me in my sickened stuper and started talking to me in Poetry class. She was so determinded to be my friend, I let her worm her way into my life and pretty soon we were joined at the hip. As such, at least once or twice a day I found myself down on Raub 2 knocking at Gayle's door saying, "Hey Gayle, is Leigh here?" Gayle never really said much to me, didn't engage me in conversation so I assumed she was pissed at me and my constantly uninvited presence in her dorm room. Years later she would tell me she was jealous that Leigh was the one I always came looking for because she wanted to spend time with me too.
It took roughly six months for me to figure out that maybe Gayle didn't hate me. One night I'd gone bounding down to her at 3 AM looking for Leigh, only to be told she was spending the night with Wes. I was lonely and bored, and Gayle was still awake so I decided I'd talk to her for as long as she'd let me. She had a paper ahe was trying not to write, and was entertaining herself with purity tests. I'd never seen a purity test before. So the two of us sat and took all manner of purity tests into the wee wee hours of the morning. Three hours later I remember thinking "Well, if she didn't like me, she would have kicked me out of her room already."
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 03:46 am (UTC)::hug::
Adonis? She really liked me? I never really knew that she liked me :-/
M.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 09:19 pm (UTC)Yeah, she did like you. If she'd been single at the time you would have had no problem turning her into your girlfriend.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 09:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 09:25 pm (UTC)Is there a particular reason your real life and online life don't converge?
no subject
Date: 2005-03-30 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-02 08:59 pm (UTC)well, i guess we have something to thank Leigh for
no subject
Date: 2005-04-02 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-02 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 12:09 am (UTC)I did have a small crush on libby at the time. I remember that too. Something about her hair tingles the back of my neck still.
M.