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Not Dead Yet
Jul. 8th, 2009 09:26 pmAt the beginning of June I issued myself a challenge: to see if I could go a month without making any publicly viewable LJ updates. The challenge grew out of a need to re-evaluate all of my relationships - friendly, familial, romantic, and professional. I've come to understand that I tend to become enmeshed in the lives of those I care most about, unconciously allowing myself to identify with them in ways that are not healthy for me. My boundaries are, in general, too fluid, and I needed time away from all my journaling and social networking sites in order to fish myself out of the unhealthy relationship dynamics I allowed to develop, and to think about how, or even if, I'd like to re-fashion those relationships.
I learned a lot about myself during the blackout. I learned that it's easier for me to deal with my problems when I don't feel like I have to share them with an audience. I remembered that it's okay to pick and choose who I share personal information with, that it is okay to be more candid with one friend than with another. I learned that I don't have to interact with people I don't want to. I remembered that I have a say in how, where, when, and through what means I interact and communicate with people. I learned that I am not responsible for my friends physical, emotional or mental well beings. I'm only responsible for my own. I learned that I really don't need as much feedback as I thought I did on my decisions, my writing, my health problems, and my personal issues. I'm quite capable of devising solutions on my own.
I feel more centered now that I'm not constantly looking to others to affirm my choices, or offer sympathy or advice. I am more confident and self-assured in my decisions. I have a better understanding of what I want now that I'm not asking others to fill in that blank. I've filled in the blank by myself, and I'm going to keep on doing that.
So, while I have no intention of abandoning my LJ, I'm not going to update as often as I used to. I'm going to keep more of my posts to myself. I like it that way. If you'd like to get in touch with me I'm always open to receiving email. In fact, I'm finding I prefer it to phone calls or AIM. My Hotmail address is on my profile. Use it for good, not evil.
I just got back from a week long trip to Chicago, and though I do intend to write about it, I'd rather just go veg out in front of the television right now.
I learned a lot about myself during the blackout. I learned that it's easier for me to deal with my problems when I don't feel like I have to share them with an audience. I remembered that it's okay to pick and choose who I share personal information with, that it is okay to be more candid with one friend than with another. I learned that I don't have to interact with people I don't want to. I remembered that I have a say in how, where, when, and through what means I interact and communicate with people. I learned that I am not responsible for my friends physical, emotional or mental well beings. I'm only responsible for my own. I learned that I really don't need as much feedback as I thought I did on my decisions, my writing, my health problems, and my personal issues. I'm quite capable of devising solutions on my own.
I feel more centered now that I'm not constantly looking to others to affirm my choices, or offer sympathy or advice. I am more confident and self-assured in my decisions. I have a better understanding of what I want now that I'm not asking others to fill in that blank. I've filled in the blank by myself, and I'm going to keep on doing that.
So, while I have no intention of abandoning my LJ, I'm not going to update as often as I used to. I'm going to keep more of my posts to myself. I like it that way. If you'd like to get in touch with me I'm always open to receiving email. In fact, I'm finding I prefer it to phone calls or AIM. My Hotmail address is on my profile. Use it for good, not evil.
I just got back from a week long trip to Chicago, and though I do intend to write about it, I'd rather just go veg out in front of the television right now.
