Don't Tell Me

Honestly? It has been a pretty shitty weekend. Mom has been screaming non-stop. The two of us should not be living together. We are completely incompatible. I need to move out ASAP. Problem still remains that I'm not making enough money to move out. So in order to move, I need to get a new job. My entire house is a mess, nothing is organized, and I can't find anything. Have so much swirling around my head, it's hard to decide what I should do first organize my life? look for a new job? try to find affordable housing? Or simply do what Micahael suggests: suck it up, save some dough, and simply put a downpayment on an aprtment in a year or two. Sounds really thrifty considering that mortgage payments are ten times lower then rent in this city. But fact of the matter is I'm utterly miserable in my current living situation and don't think waiting a round for another year or two would be every good for me in terms of mental health. My mom hates having me at home and I hate being there. It's not a comfortable situation. And everyone keeps telling me that I AM doing all the right things in terms of trying to get out, but none of those things are paying off. God I wish I had someone to room with. That would go a long way to solving this dilemma.

My head is all over th place, and I'm feeling shitty because my mom won't stop harping on me. I don't know what I should be doing that I'm not already and it just feels like the whole thing is hopeless, and I think the fact that I've been bitching about this for over year while actively trying to fix the situation proves just how hopeless it is. A year ago people were telling me to hang in there, that I would eventually find a place to live. Bullshit. Every lead I follow dies a quick death. There is nothing for a person with my income. Most of the waiting lists for low-income housing are closed. I don't know what to do and I'm mentally paralyzed.

I feel like I should just off myself cause, let's face it, it's not gonna get any better. Without money and connections I'm fucked.

Morality Does Not Belong in the Library

I'm noticing a really disturbing trend in the acquisitions department. They are buying more and more specifically Christian books for the library. Today I processed a book on how to heal eating disorders through communion with God, and another on how pre-marital sex destroys one's self-respect and sexual health. Monica dropped by and read passages from that one aloud while I worked on the rest of the new books. It was most definitely NOT an academic work. It was clearly the preaching of a psycho Christian to other psycho Christians. The author kepts saying shit like "medical studies show that married Christian women who did not engage in pre-marital sex have the most satisfying sex lives of any other group in the US." Of course, she didn't cite or make any notation as to what "medical studies" she was refering to, a HUGE academic no no, not to mention a giant red flag that she is misrepresenting information. If such studies existed and backed up her claim, she would have cited them. Monica and I had a good laugh at her contradictory assertions ("all forms of genital contact is considered sex." Two pages later "having a man put his arm around you as you walk down the street is considered sex!") but the fact that our money strapped acquisitions department decided to spend money on this piece of trash really upset me.

Last week I processed an item all about how to home school your children using the Bible. While I can understabd having a few specifically Christian texts in the library for the purpose of research, I think we are developing a far too comprehensive collection. The books we're purchasing cannot in any way, shape, or form be considered academic. The authors make claims they don't back up with studies or evidence, they simply pass off their word as definitve truth. Books like that have no place in an academic library.

Not to mention that all of the Christian books we're purchasing deal almost exclusively with Christian morality as oppose to the academic subjects students actually study at this school like architecture, graphic arts, communications, or computer science. These are books about why kids shouldn't have pre-marital sex, how God can heal their depression, why home schooling with the bible is the only responsible way to educate your child. Sounds like the school is seeking to save the student body from their sinful ways. Luckily no one ever checks these books out, but I'm insulted by the fact that they are even here.

NYIT is not affiliated with any religious sect. There is no reason we should be acquiring so many religiously oriented items. The kind of shit you'd find at the Galesburg Christian Bookstore, or the National Bible Society right across the street from us. (Yes, in fact if I turn around right now I'd be looking straight into the lobby of the National Bible Society. Blech!) This is a research library. It is not the place for morality based texts.