I give

I've been meaning to write something moderately substantial in here for quite a while, just to kinda update all my Knox friends. Well it's a Friday night, it's raining out, I'm bored, and watching the Friday the 13th marathon on TNN so it seems like a good time. For those of you who still read my SCN journal much of this will sound familiar so be forewarned.

Finally succeeded in emptying all of my luggage today!!! You can actually walk through the dining room again. However the dining room table is still covered with my shit: books, bratz, tapes, medicine bottles, cd's, stray poems, student loan repayment crap, panties, socks, you get the idea. And if anyone is wondering why so much talk of the dining room, thats where I sleep. My Mom is renting out my old bedroom so I sleep in the dining room. Please refrain from making jokes about sleeping under the table.

To my delight Josh called before I even got back into the city, and we went out to dinner (La Cucina) and a movie (Matrix Reloaded) on Wednesday. We were all kissy and cuddly and nauseating. Even wound up bringing him back to the apartment to meet my Mom at the end of the night. They sat around discussing rent control. Thats what I get for dating a lawyer. As I was walking him back to the subway at the end of the night he made some comment about surprising me with "breakfast in bed" on Monday, serving me up a "hot cup of lovin." Which would be fine with me seeing as I can't step foot in his apartment thanks to the 7 cats, and it's not like we have anything that even remotely looks like privacy at my place after 5 PM . Only snag is that Laura's (the boarder) cousins are visiting on Monday and they are spending the night. Josh is just gonna have to contrl himself.

Need to update my resume and start sending it out
Need to make up a birthday list (it's next friday people and gift certificates from barnes and noble dom com always fit!)
Need to think of something to get Josh for his birthday (June 28th)
Need to goad mom in to buying me that new computer she promised me.
...
Know theres more but I can't think of it right now.

Quick Fingers - SCN

I tried to type this entry last night. Unfortunately, my laptop was being a pain in the ass and wouldn’t let me. That damn thing is so fickle. Actually, I don’t think it’s the laptop. I mean, that thing worked just fine for 9 months. I think it’s the AOL connection. It just sucks. I am absolutely FIENDING for my new computer AND the new Netzero connection I’m gonna force Mom to get. I even left Mom a note this morning reminding her to call Greg to see when he can go shopping with us. And when I get my hands on Tina again I’m gonna ask her to tell me once more all of the programs and software I need to get for my comp. I’m growing obsessed, mainly because I cannot type poetry or resumes until I get the new computer. I should prolly tell Mom that. If I can make her think there's no way for me to apply for jobs without it then she’ll be quicker about getting it into the house.

Seems I’ve been crying a lot recently. I was crying last night. Seems that the longer I sit in front of my bookcases the more books I decide to sell. Last night I realized it was time to do away with “The Handmaid’s Tale” which I never liked. Added it to the pile of other critically acclaimed books I hated and plan to heft down to the Strand on Monday: “Emma” by Jane Austen, “Wide Sargasso Sea” by Jean Rhys, “How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents” by Julia Alvarez (I liked “In the Time of the Butterflies” MUCH better.) But, as I flipped through the pages and read the little critic blurbs, I got sad. Because these women are all well respected writers; people know them. Regardless of my own opinion of their craft there are individuals who like these authors. That’s more than I have to say for myself. Made me wonder how they do it? What they did to develop such unique voices that are so well received. Reading random paragraphs I realized I don’t know any more about how to craft a story or a poem then I did when I entered college, and that made me sad. So I cried. Because I don’t understand how people write. I still don’t get it. In fact, I get it even less then I did 5 years ago. How can I ever expect to get anything published when I don’t even know how to write? Maybe it was just stress relief, just a random reason to let myself cry, lord knows I’ve had plenty of those in the last week or so with all the pressure of graduating circling around me. And I feel better today so I dunno if my hopelessness was just fleeting or genuine. Point is, I wanted to write all of that last night and I couldn’t.

And I know there is more I want to write now and I can’t think of it. And I’ll turn off the moniter and shut down the comp and I’ll remember what it is half way down Broadway and I’ll just have to swallow it until the next time I can get back on. Until the next time I can forget it.