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A Glass Unkissed
Jan. 21st, 2003 04:52 amIt's 3:00 AM and I can't sleep. Prolly has something to do with the fact that I didn't officially wake up until 6 PM this evening. Yes you heard me right, 6 PM.
I couldn't sleep last night either. Don't think I drifted off until 5 AM or so. Couldn't bring myself to get up for class on 3 hours of sleep. So I just slept the day away, got up in time for rehearsal, and afterwards I went to the Gizmo and completed a good chunk of homework.
I figure if I just stay up all night and go to class, I can sleep in the afternoon. I only have acting class tomorrow and after that, work. I'll be free by 1:30 PM, I'll be exhausted, so I'll come home and sleep till 7 PM, and then go to rehearsal.
Grapes of Wrath has made it so hard for me to finish my HW lately. I'm usually so sleepy after rehearsal that I pass right out. I'm just so busy. Every minute of my day is filled. I haven't cleaned or done laundry in weeks. I feel like I'm falling so behind in everything. Haven't emailed any of my acting critiques yet, haven't written any responses for Rob or Magali in several days. Haven't even completed most of my required reading. But don't tell Liz that, she'd kick my ass if she knew.
On one hand, all the busy-ness is stressful because there are never enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do. But on the other hand, I kinda like it simply because it keeps me moving. It keeps my mind occupied, distracted. Like Ian Curry wrote in his journal today, a busy mind can't be sad, or something to that effect. I'm so wrapped up in just making sure I keep my schedule and my assignments straight I have no time to think...about anything.
During the day anyway. At night my mind still races. I think of...shit. Shit I'm not gonna write about because A) I've written it many times before and B) I don't want my Mom writing me another "I'm worried about you" email. I don't have time to calm her irrational fears, I really don't.
But that kinda inhibits me from writing about all the stuff I initially wanted to write about. Bugger. Kids take my advice and never give out your journal address to family members. No good can come of it.
Steffi and T came over Sunday night and made these rich yummy chocolate brownies. Mmmm mmm were they good. We all just kinda sat around and watched bad TV and tickled each other. It was much fun.
I was talking to Steffi in the Gizmo today. She was saying how she worries about T alot because T never tells her when she's upset. We commiserated about that for a while. Tina never really expressed her feelings to me while we were living together. It's just the way she is, she won't tell you if you ask. It's kinda frustrating. And I know it bothers Steffi because she can see when Tina is upset about something but if T wont tell her what the matter is, she can't do anything to help. I think it makes her feel a little insecure about the relationship. I always tell her not to worry, that Tina adores her. But she still frets.
They just love each other a whole lot.
I dunno I dunno. Still want some play. Still not getting any. Nothing new there. Have days when I feel very distanced from my body, very unaware of what its doing or how it's feeling. And other days I am super aware of it: aware of its hunger, its passion, its aches and pains. I'm having one of my distanced days. Very not interested in my body tonight.
I'm more interested in my hair which is too bloody long and a terrible hassle to take care of but that I can't get cut until Grapes is over. But believe you me when this show is finished I'm chopping the entire mane OFF. All of it!!! I don't care that every boy on this campus is all like "oh no don't cut it, it's so pretty." FUCK YOU!!! YOU try brushing this rat's nest out after showering. YOU try taming the frizz!!! It's gotten so long that Liz gets my attention in class by tugging at my pony tail!!! I'm sick of it. It needs to go.
Think I've used up all my boring availible topics. Back to neopets with me :)
I couldn't sleep last night either. Don't think I drifted off until 5 AM or so. Couldn't bring myself to get up for class on 3 hours of sleep. So I just slept the day away, got up in time for rehearsal, and afterwards I went to the Gizmo and completed a good chunk of homework.
I figure if I just stay up all night and go to class, I can sleep in the afternoon. I only have acting class tomorrow and after that, work. I'll be free by 1:30 PM, I'll be exhausted, so I'll come home and sleep till 7 PM, and then go to rehearsal.
Grapes of Wrath has made it so hard for me to finish my HW lately. I'm usually so sleepy after rehearsal that I pass right out. I'm just so busy. Every minute of my day is filled. I haven't cleaned or done laundry in weeks. I feel like I'm falling so behind in everything. Haven't emailed any of my acting critiques yet, haven't written any responses for Rob or Magali in several days. Haven't even completed most of my required reading. But don't tell Liz that, she'd kick my ass if she knew.
On one hand, all the busy-ness is stressful because there are never enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do. But on the other hand, I kinda like it simply because it keeps me moving. It keeps my mind occupied, distracted. Like Ian Curry wrote in his journal today, a busy mind can't be sad, or something to that effect. I'm so wrapped up in just making sure I keep my schedule and my assignments straight I have no time to think...about anything.
During the day anyway. At night my mind still races. I think of...shit. Shit I'm not gonna write about because A) I've written it many times before and B) I don't want my Mom writing me another "I'm worried about you" email. I don't have time to calm her irrational fears, I really don't.
But that kinda inhibits me from writing about all the stuff I initially wanted to write about. Bugger. Kids take my advice and never give out your journal address to family members. No good can come of it.
Steffi and T came over Sunday night and made these rich yummy chocolate brownies. Mmmm mmm were they good. We all just kinda sat around and watched bad TV and tickled each other. It was much fun.
I was talking to Steffi in the Gizmo today. She was saying how she worries about T alot because T never tells her when she's upset. We commiserated about that for a while. Tina never really expressed her feelings to me while we were living together. It's just the way she is, she won't tell you if you ask. It's kinda frustrating. And I know it bothers Steffi because she can see when Tina is upset about something but if T wont tell her what the matter is, she can't do anything to help. I think it makes her feel a little insecure about the relationship. I always tell her not to worry, that Tina adores her. But she still frets.
They just love each other a whole lot.
I dunno I dunno. Still want some play. Still not getting any. Nothing new there. Have days when I feel very distanced from my body, very unaware of what its doing or how it's feeling. And other days I am super aware of it: aware of its hunger, its passion, its aches and pains. I'm having one of my distanced days. Very not interested in my body tonight.
I'm more interested in my hair which is too bloody long and a terrible hassle to take care of but that I can't get cut until Grapes is over. But believe you me when this show is finished I'm chopping the entire mane OFF. All of it!!! I don't care that every boy on this campus is all like "oh no don't cut it, it's so pretty." FUCK YOU!!! YOU try brushing this rat's nest out after showering. YOU try taming the frizz!!! It's gotten so long that Liz gets my attention in class by tugging at my pony tail!!! I'm sick of it. It needs to go.
Think I've used up all my boring availible topics. Back to neopets with me :)
