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My Notorious Past
Sep. 4th, 2002 02:01 amAsk me if Kirk came by today. C'mon, ask me! NO!!!! Of course he didn't! He promised he'd show so of course I should have known better then to BELIEVE him. There's this great poem by some Chinese princess or something that goes like this:
You say you will come,
And you do not come.
Now you say you won't come,
So i shall expect you.
Have i learned to understand you?
This is exactly how I feel about Kirk right now!
So I'm beginning to wonder why the hell I get myself involved with guys who screw me over when I know from the very start that they are going to? All day I've been reflecting on past relationships and pin pointing the clues and actions i should have taken as a warning to flee. Here's what I've got so far.
I should have left (his name here) when....
Jason-When he told me he was polyamorous. There's nothing wrng with polyamory, it's just that I'm monogomous. I should have known the relationship was doomed from then on. Should have packed my fucking bags rather then try to squelch my jealousy and desires by trying convince myself that I could be poly as well.
Moses-When, after doggedly pursuing Libby for several weeks, he made out with me the night she finally told him once and for all she wasn't interested. I should have seen that it wasn't ME he was interested in. All he wanted was a GIRLFRIEND. When one girl said no, he wasted no time in finding a new one to woo. I was there and availible.
Wes-When I saw how obsessive he was and how fast he moved. He wanted instant relationship, and like Moses, it didn't matter with who.
Clark-When he would tell me about how badly all of his girlfriends had hurt him and how wounded he was, yet never tell me the reasons behind the break ups. I came to find out, both first and second hand, that he broke up with his girlfriends for relatively minor infractions that all revolved around the central theme of them not mothering him as much as he wanted them to.
Marc-When I saw that the boy had no common sense. For instance, he is blind as a bat yet refuses to wear glasses because they aren't "cool." He'd rather run into shit then sacrifice his image! Furthermore, he would always make fun of my religious and political beliefs. rather then educate himself about the true nature of Wicca or feminism he just continued to assume that his mysoginistic views of them were correct.
Kevin-When he told me he was Catholic I should have run screaming. Ditto when he told me how much he enjoyed porn. I find that men who look at porn are generally more openly mysoginistic then men who don't. Kevin's speech and actions continually confirmed this.
Kirk-Now that he is blowing me off on a regular basis and not keeping his word. He has proven himself unworthy of my trust.
Ya know what's weird? In replaying all these scenes in my head, I can remember exactly what i was wearing when I first met each and everyone of these guys! Is that normal? To recall how you first appeared to your ex's?
Jason-I was wearing blues jeans, brown Docs, my blue and brown striped Gap T-shirt, and the blue and brown plaid button over shirt that matched
Moses-Dark blue tank top, blue denim Gap mini skirt with embroidered flowers around the hem, black snadels.
Wes-The blue camaflage mini dress. (aw yeah!)
Clark-Blue jeans, black sandels, black tank top.
Marc-I don't remember what i was wearing, but I do remember that it had been raining. I came in late to class with my clothes dripping wet and my hair as frizzy as it's ever been. i looked like hell. And Marc and i wound up doing group work that day.
Kevin-Blue Docs, blue flare jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.
Kirk-Well, first the obligatory in-take gown, and then black sandels, Mike's black Khakis, and a gray tank top.
I wonder if other girls can do this or if it's just me? I wonder if any of these guys can remember what they wore when they first met me? I wonder if it matters to them.
On another note, Dean Bailey still doesn't think I should be returning to Knox. Tough Tittie, I'm going. He's known me long enough to realize that the more you tell me not to do something the more I want to do it. (HEY! Maybe that's why I date such assholes!) He thinks I can still make good on the incompletes though and I'm beginning to agree with him. Melissa's papers are easy, I could write them..well...right now if i wanted to. Plus, I have leeway on her deadline since she quit Knox. Monica will probably grant me an extension if I ask nicely. The only problem is Hord, and withdrawing from his course won't irrevocably harm my academic career. I'll just take an extra half credit winter and spring terms. And I'll be fine. :)
You say you will come,
And you do not come.
Now you say you won't come,
So i shall expect you.
Have i learned to understand you?
This is exactly how I feel about Kirk right now!
So I'm beginning to wonder why the hell I get myself involved with guys who screw me over when I know from the very start that they are going to? All day I've been reflecting on past relationships and pin pointing the clues and actions i should have taken as a warning to flee. Here's what I've got so far.
I should have left (his name here) when....
Jason-When he told me he was polyamorous. There's nothing wrng with polyamory, it's just that I'm monogomous. I should have known the relationship was doomed from then on. Should have packed my fucking bags rather then try to squelch my jealousy and desires by trying convince myself that I could be poly as well.
Moses-When, after doggedly pursuing Libby for several weeks, he made out with me the night she finally told him once and for all she wasn't interested. I should have seen that it wasn't ME he was interested in. All he wanted was a GIRLFRIEND. When one girl said no, he wasted no time in finding a new one to woo. I was there and availible.
Wes-When I saw how obsessive he was and how fast he moved. He wanted instant relationship, and like Moses, it didn't matter with who.
Clark-When he would tell me about how badly all of his girlfriends had hurt him and how wounded he was, yet never tell me the reasons behind the break ups. I came to find out, both first and second hand, that he broke up with his girlfriends for relatively minor infractions that all revolved around the central theme of them not mothering him as much as he wanted them to.
Marc-When I saw that the boy had no common sense. For instance, he is blind as a bat yet refuses to wear glasses because they aren't "cool." He'd rather run into shit then sacrifice his image! Furthermore, he would always make fun of my religious and political beliefs. rather then educate himself about the true nature of Wicca or feminism he just continued to assume that his mysoginistic views of them were correct.
Kevin-When he told me he was Catholic I should have run screaming. Ditto when he told me how much he enjoyed porn. I find that men who look at porn are generally more openly mysoginistic then men who don't. Kevin's speech and actions continually confirmed this.
Kirk-Now that he is blowing me off on a regular basis and not keeping his word. He has proven himself unworthy of my trust.
Ya know what's weird? In replaying all these scenes in my head, I can remember exactly what i was wearing when I first met each and everyone of these guys! Is that normal? To recall how you first appeared to your ex's?
Jason-I was wearing blues jeans, brown Docs, my blue and brown striped Gap T-shirt, and the blue and brown plaid button over shirt that matched
Moses-Dark blue tank top, blue denim Gap mini skirt with embroidered flowers around the hem, black snadels.
Wes-The blue camaflage mini dress. (aw yeah!)
Clark-Blue jeans, black sandels, black tank top.
Marc-I don't remember what i was wearing, but I do remember that it had been raining. I came in late to class with my clothes dripping wet and my hair as frizzy as it's ever been. i looked like hell. And Marc and i wound up doing group work that day.
Kevin-Blue Docs, blue flare jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.
Kirk-Well, first the obligatory in-take gown, and then black sandels, Mike's black Khakis, and a gray tank top.
I wonder if other girls can do this or if it's just me? I wonder if any of these guys can remember what they wore when they first met me? I wonder if it matters to them.
On another note, Dean Bailey still doesn't think I should be returning to Knox. Tough Tittie, I'm going. He's known me long enough to realize that the more you tell me not to do something the more I want to do it. (HEY! Maybe that's why I date such assholes!) He thinks I can still make good on the incompletes though and I'm beginning to agree with him. Melissa's papers are easy, I could write them..well...right now if i wanted to. Plus, I have leeway on her deadline since she quit Knox. Monica will probably grant me an extension if I ask nicely. The only problem is Hord, and withdrawing from his course won't irrevocably harm my academic career. I'll just take an extra half credit winter and spring terms. And I'll be fine. :)
