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The Hardest Part
Jul. 22nd, 2002 03:34 pmI hate waiting. But I really have no choice at this point. His voicemail is back up. Whoo hoo, guess he finally paid the bill. I called last night and left one message. Yes, just one. Sure I'm being obsessive, but I can't let the object of my obsession know he is the object of my obsession. Though I would love to leave numerous messages on his voicemail, let's face it, that would be scary. So now I just have to wait for him to call back. The waiting is killing me.
And I can't even find a decent activity to distract me. The amount of care I didn't receive at the hospital is becoming more apparent with each passing day. The pills have done nothing to clear my head. Little activities still confuse me and take more of my energy then they should. For instance, I really want to clean my room. It's a disaster area. A normal person would just hike up their pants and dive into the task. Not me. My mind finds the whole idea just too overwhelming. I get hung up on detials like where will I put things? Where is there room? How will I organize all this? What if I misplace something important? And so on and so on. I really need to TALK to a DOCTOR about this stuff! I need more than just pills. I need someone to help me re-vamp my thought patterns. I have an appointment with Dr. Jonas on Thursday, but that seems so far away at the moment. Additionally the insurence is giving me a hard time about seeing him. When I was in the hospital, they said they would pay for Dr. Jonas. Now that I'm out, they are saying they won't! And they are trying to get me to see a different doctor, who won't be able to fit me in umtil next week! Don't they realize the only reason Dr. Lefkowitz was legally able to let me out of the hospital was because she was able to arrange for IMMEDIATE after care? If you wait for two or three weeks after discharge you leave a pretty large window open for relapse! Thats why I need to see someone THIS WEEK! I need to be at least on the road to recovery by August. I need to be able to write my myriad of papers with something that at least remotely resembles a stable mind.
Goddess I hate this. I hate worrying so much. And obsessing over things. I wish I could see Dr. Jonas today and ask him what I can do to rid myself of this shit!
Abrupt shift of topic: I saw two movies this weekend. Saw Spider Man with Michael, and Lilo and Stitch with Mom. I enjoyed both films. They were fun; good distractions. Mike and Danielle have broken up for good now. Again, we all know how ambivelent I am towards his significant others. He seems okay, so I'm not all choked up.
And I can't even find a decent activity to distract me. The amount of care I didn't receive at the hospital is becoming more apparent with each passing day. The pills have done nothing to clear my head. Little activities still confuse me and take more of my energy then they should. For instance, I really want to clean my room. It's a disaster area. A normal person would just hike up their pants and dive into the task. Not me. My mind finds the whole idea just too overwhelming. I get hung up on detials like where will I put things? Where is there room? How will I organize all this? What if I misplace something important? And so on and so on. I really need to TALK to a DOCTOR about this stuff! I need more than just pills. I need someone to help me re-vamp my thought patterns. I have an appointment with Dr. Jonas on Thursday, but that seems so far away at the moment. Additionally the insurence is giving me a hard time about seeing him. When I was in the hospital, they said they would pay for Dr. Jonas. Now that I'm out, they are saying they won't! And they are trying to get me to see a different doctor, who won't be able to fit me in umtil next week! Don't they realize the only reason Dr. Lefkowitz was legally able to let me out of the hospital was because she was able to arrange for IMMEDIATE after care? If you wait for two or three weeks after discharge you leave a pretty large window open for relapse! Thats why I need to see someone THIS WEEK! I need to be at least on the road to recovery by August. I need to be able to write my myriad of papers with something that at least remotely resembles a stable mind.
Goddess I hate this. I hate worrying so much. And obsessing over things. I wish I could see Dr. Jonas today and ask him what I can do to rid myself of this shit!
Abrupt shift of topic: I saw two movies this weekend. Saw Spider Man with Michael, and Lilo and Stitch with Mom. I enjoyed both films. They were fun; good distractions. Mike and Danielle have broken up for good now. Again, we all know how ambivelent I am towards his significant others. He seems okay, so I'm not all choked up.
