Notes from the Sickbed
Dec. 19th, 2004 02:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrigirlI've taken to sleeping with stuffed animals again. I've reached the partof my illness where all I want is to be cuddled. In the beginning, all I want is to be left alone. I don't want anyone touching you, talking to me, I just want to be left alone so I can recover. But now that this sinus infection/cyst fiasco has been dragging on for over a week, I'm starting to feel lonely. I haven't gone to work all week. I've been shut in the house sleeping for 15+ hours every day. I haven't spoken to anyone other then my mom and my brother. Most of my time has been spent laying in my silent, darkened bedroom feeling like shit. I feel bored, I feel icky, and all I really want is someone to curl up behind and throw my arms around. Somone who will reach over and stroke my hair and give lots of hugs to the sick girl. With no human being readily availible to fill that role, I had to haul out Garfield and Fuzzy. Last two nights I've slept with the two of them wrapped firmly in my arms. They are so soft. As always, when I hug Fuzzy, he makes everything better. Yes, I know I'm being a great big child, but illness reduces everyone to their quivering 5 year old self.
My bedroom is turning into a giant coffin. I've spent so much time laying there in the dark it's been hard to stave off thoughts of death. I hate thinking about death. There's nothing on earth that frightens me more. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that everyone I know and love is coming with me. Sure that may be a morbid thought, but I like knowing I'm not alone, that everyone else who is so special to me will take the journey with me. Even so, I've been thinking about people I love dying before me and that's really scary. I don't want my mom or my dad to die. Ever. I want them to be around forever, and take care of me forever. And I want my brothers and sister to be around forever. I don't know what I'd do if Michael were to leave me. That would crush me. Of course, a good deal of this morbid talk can be attributed to the fact that I haven't taken my Zoloft in a week. With all this other stuff going on, and my daily routine being interrupted it's been difficult to remember. I guess I should start trying cause I really hate thinking about mortality. It makes me feel worse then I already do.
A week from Monday I'll be on a train to Chicago. I need to send out an email to all the pertinent parties so they know my itinerary.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gender_euphoric, kdc4evr, silent_t, and nabuchodonosor, those are the ladies I hope to play with during my time in Illinois. I think I'll send them an email as son as I'm done here.
Being sick and all I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping yet, and considering that my Christmas vacation doesn't begin until December 24, I may not even be DOING any shopping this year. Mom and Mike have agreed to help me out a little, they've offered to buy presents for the other as long as I give them money. No problem. But that leaves all the out of state people. *sigh* You all may have to wait for your christmas gifts. I'm sorry.
I need to visit my landlady sometime this week, maybe tomorrow if I can swing it. Since I won't be here on the first of the month I need to ask if I can give her the rent ahead of time. I also need to call my movers and decide when the big move is actually gonna take place. There's so much I need to do, and I don't have the energy to do any of it. I feel like a lump. I hate it.
I don't know what else to write. I hope I'm feeling well enough to go to work on Monday.
My bedroom is turning into a giant coffin. I've spent so much time laying there in the dark it's been hard to stave off thoughts of death. I hate thinking about death. There's nothing on earth that frightens me more. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that everyone I know and love is coming with me. Sure that may be a morbid thought, but I like knowing I'm not alone, that everyone else who is so special to me will take the journey with me. Even so, I've been thinking about people I love dying before me and that's really scary. I don't want my mom or my dad to die. Ever. I want them to be around forever, and take care of me forever. And I want my brothers and sister to be around forever. I don't know what I'd do if Michael were to leave me. That would crush me. Of course, a good deal of this morbid talk can be attributed to the fact that I haven't taken my Zoloft in a week. With all this other stuff going on, and my daily routine being interrupted it's been difficult to remember. I guess I should start trying cause I really hate thinking about mortality. It makes me feel worse then I already do.
A week from Monday I'll be on a train to Chicago. I need to send out an email to all the pertinent parties so they know my itinerary.
gender_euphoric, kdc4evr, silent_t, and nabuchodonosor, those are the ladies I hope to play with during my time in Illinois. I think I'll send them an email as son as I'm done here.Being sick and all I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping yet, and considering that my Christmas vacation doesn't begin until December 24, I may not even be DOING any shopping this year. Mom and Mike have agreed to help me out a little, they've offered to buy presents for the other as long as I give them money. No problem. But that leaves all the out of state people. *sigh* You all may have to wait for your christmas gifts. I'm sorry.
I need to visit my landlady sometime this week, maybe tomorrow if I can swing it. Since I won't be here on the first of the month I need to ask if I can give her the rent ahead of time. I also need to call my movers and decide when the big move is actually gonna take place. There's so much I need to do, and I don't have the energy to do any of it. I feel like a lump. I hate it.
I don't know what else to write. I hope I'm feeling well enough to go to work on Monday.
