Crying Mime

[morrigirl]

I cry whenever I see a couple on TV getting married because I don't think anyone will ever want to marry me.

I cry whenever I flip past the real estate section of the newspaper because I'm afriad I will never be able to move out of this house and that i will be under my mother's thumb for the rest of my life.

I am afraid my mother will never die.

I cry whenever I read something in my self-help books telling me to create a support network because I don't think anyone wants to hear me talk nor do I think anyone can relate to what I'm going through right now.

I still feel completely alone.

I cry when I eat because I feel fat and weak for having to nourish myself.

I cry whenever the phone doesn't ring because it makes me think that no one will ever want to hire me, and I will never be afforded the freedom of movement that comes with having money.

I cry because I feel trapped and I don't think I will ever be able to lead the kind of life I dream of.

I am crying right now.

And I don't feel as though I have anyone to share this with. I think maybe I should go for a walk, that it would make me feel better. But then I change my mind because I have no place I want to go. And no one to go see, and can think of nothing particularly comforting about spending more time alone when I can do that by just sitting here on my ass.

I remember being six years old and wishing I had never been born. Now I sit around wishing someone would kill me.

I feel the way I imagine Kirk must have felt. Like I have no future. Nothing to look forward to. No one who will protect me. No skills. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.