Talking to Myself

[morrigirl]

Hey Carla, How ya doin?

Shitty.

Why is that?

I dunno.

Well that's not a very productive answer now is it?

Why the hell should I give a shit about productivity?

*shrugs* I dunno

THATS RIGHT YOU DON'T KNOW!!!

Hey hey Carla, settle down, I'm not trying to attack you.

Yeah right. Everyone is trying to attack me.

Why do you say that?

Because it feels true. Even if it isn't, it feels true.

How come?

Because...everything sucks. And i don't know what to do about it. And no one is helping me or telling me how I can help myself.

Whats the matter?

I don't know whats up with Josh, he won't tell me what he wants. I'm scared of job hunting and I don't know how to become unscared. I'm bored and have no idea how to entertain myself and that in turn is making me depressed. I keep forgetting to take my meds. I hate living with my mom but i need money to move out and I cant get money without a job and I cant get a job without searching for one and I cant get over my fear and get off my ass and search for one. And i hate myself for it. And I hate myself for being overweight, and i hate myself for being sad, and I hate myself for being scared, and I hate myself for feeling everything I'm feeling.

Sounds like you're the one attacking yourself

Well, no shit Sherlock!!!!

But you said everyone else was.

I am everyone. When I'm depressed I become the earth the sun the stars, the entire fucking universe revolves around me. And if I knew how to fix anything I would have done it already.

Do you feel any better after having said all of that?

No Carla, no I do not.