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Into the Flood Again
I hate the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, they both suck ass mainly because my mother and I always have our worst fights on those days. It's fucking tradition. And while we have yet to top the Christmas day fiasco of '95 in which she told me what a spoiled selfish worthless human being I was, and I subsequently returned all the gifts she's given me, we still manage to have a decent row every year around this time.
I think it stems from the fact that Mom and I have different ways of celebrating the holidays. She's all about big get togethers and parties, and she is convinced that if her house isn't spotless, her dishes are sparkling, if everything is not the EXACT way she envisions it in her head than the entire get together will be a bust. I on the other hand hate parties, hate large get togethers, they make me anxious and I simply try to avoid them at all cost. Therefore preparing for such things isn't important to me. That's where we find the conflict.
And here we are four days from Thanksgiving and the lady is already going crazy. We're having a small Thanksgiving this year, just me, Mom, Joan, Ginette, Mike, and Danielle will be in attendance. Since our dining room doubles as my bedroom, I'm gonna have to clean it so that we can all have somewhere to eat our turkey. I know this. I've known it for a while. I told my mother last week "Ma, I'm probably not going to get to cleaning until Wednesday so don't freak out." Of course this seems to have passed in one ear and out the other because she has been razzing me all day about my room. And what's all the more annoying is that she's doing it indirectly. Instead of saying "Carla, pick up your clothes," she screams "I HATE walking all over your clothes!"
To which I reply, "I don't mind you walking all over my clothes, all the shit on the floor is dirty anyway."
"But I don't LIKE it!!!"
"Then move them out of your way. They're all gonna get washed later today anyhow."
"But I shouldn't HAVE to move them."
"But you're the one with the problem! I just told you I don't care if you walk on my dirty clothes. And I will move them when I do my laundry later today."
She indiectly tries to tell me she wants something done NOW, when I told her a week ago that my cleaning schedule was not going to coincide with hers. Unfortunately she WANTS everyones schedule to coincide with hers, and thinks if she simply nags enough I'll give in and start running on her schedule. After 24 years you'd think she would realize that the more she pushes me to do something her way the less inclined I am to do it. She should try some reverse psychology, that works better on me.
I've already planned out when I'm going to do all my cleaning, hell I even laid it out for her, but now that she's getting into everything-must-be-perfect mode she is ignoring it. I wish she would realize that she isn't the only person in this house who has plans for how they're gonna handle Thanksgiving. Maybe I should just do what I've done for the last four Thanksgivings: retreat to Mom's room and sleep through the whole ordeal.
PS I realize this may sound very petty to most people. But please refrain from telling me how whiney I'm being because A) This is my journal and B) because of that i'll be as god damn whiney as I want to be!!!!
I think it stems from the fact that Mom and I have different ways of celebrating the holidays. She's all about big get togethers and parties, and she is convinced that if her house isn't spotless, her dishes are sparkling, if everything is not the EXACT way she envisions it in her head than the entire get together will be a bust. I on the other hand hate parties, hate large get togethers, they make me anxious and I simply try to avoid them at all cost. Therefore preparing for such things isn't important to me. That's where we find the conflict.
And here we are four days from Thanksgiving and the lady is already going crazy. We're having a small Thanksgiving this year, just me, Mom, Joan, Ginette, Mike, and Danielle will be in attendance. Since our dining room doubles as my bedroom, I'm gonna have to clean it so that we can all have somewhere to eat our turkey. I know this. I've known it for a while. I told my mother last week "Ma, I'm probably not going to get to cleaning until Wednesday so don't freak out." Of course this seems to have passed in one ear and out the other because she has been razzing me all day about my room. And what's all the more annoying is that she's doing it indirectly. Instead of saying "Carla, pick up your clothes," she screams "I HATE walking all over your clothes!"
To which I reply, "I don't mind you walking all over my clothes, all the shit on the floor is dirty anyway."
"But I don't LIKE it!!!"
"Then move them out of your way. They're all gonna get washed later today anyhow."
"But I shouldn't HAVE to move them."
"But you're the one with the problem! I just told you I don't care if you walk on my dirty clothes. And I will move them when I do my laundry later today."
She indiectly tries to tell me she wants something done NOW, when I told her a week ago that my cleaning schedule was not going to coincide with hers. Unfortunately she WANTS everyones schedule to coincide with hers, and thinks if she simply nags enough I'll give in and start running on her schedule. After 24 years you'd think she would realize that the more she pushes me to do something her way the less inclined I am to do it. She should try some reverse psychology, that works better on me.
I've already planned out when I'm going to do all my cleaning, hell I even laid it out for her, but now that she's getting into everything-must-be-perfect mode she is ignoring it. I wish she would realize that she isn't the only person in this house who has plans for how they're gonna handle Thanksgiving. Maybe I should just do what I've done for the last four Thanksgivings: retreat to Mom's room and sleep through the whole ordeal.
PS I realize this may sound very petty to most people. But please refrain from telling me how whiney I'm being because A) This is my journal and B) because of that i'll be as god damn whiney as I want to be!!!!
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From the OM V 1.0
(Anonymous) 2003-11-24 01:03 am (UTC)(link)I kinda have the same problem you do...on the holidays I don't like having lots of people around. It pisses me off, and so I get irritable, and fights get started, and I end up doing something both sadistic and self-destructive and leaving to go up to my room, read, and finish my dinner. I've learned, however, to bypass the whole thing and just not come down.
'Sides, you know if I could I'd invite you over here. Whenever we have guests, my family's generally tame.