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Losing the Battle
I nearly lost my mind today. I'm so out of control I don't know what to do. Little things have been sending me into these insane crying and screaming fits. I'm physically and emotionally drained and I want everything to stop.
A quick run down:
1)Interview at a jewelry store today. I felt good during the interview. The lady who saw me was nice. But it took all of ten minutes, and i'm beginning to learn that short = bad.
2)On the way home I started screaming at myself. Not verbally, but mentally. Kept feeding myself all these worst case scenarios. Like that I'll never find employment, that I'll die alone, that I'll never make anymore new friends for the rest of my life. I was a mess by the time I got home.
3)At home my computer went wiggy. I signed on and got an error message saying "remote procedure call unexpectedly terminated, you have 60 seconds to close all programs before the system shuts down." Well the first time it happened I just let the darn thing do ...it's thing. But when it restarted, the same messege came up...and the system shut down again. And on and on. It was a vicious cycle that made it impossible for me to use my computer. I tried calling Dell and couldn't get through. I was flipping out and crying cause all I wanted to do was type in my journal and I just started screamiing, and crying and praying for all the god damn pain in my life to just go away.
Little things will do that. I just felt there was nothing I couuld do to save my computer and that is kinda how I feel about my life right now so I just...flew off the handle. Spent three hours trying to call the Dell customer service number. Couldn't get through. Eventually i just tired out and decided to take a nap. Left Mom a note before I fell asleep telling her I'd had a bad day and to please not wake me up when she got home.
4) Mom arrives home a half hour after I drift off and wakes me up. She was in a horrible mood, and started yelling at me the moment I stirred. Screaming at me to clean up the living room (even though she's the one who messed it up,) and telling me to be more considerate of everyone in the house even though...I have no idea what I've done to warrent this lecture. It's like she woke me up just so she could have somebody to yell at. I held my tongue and just did what she told me to.
5) Spent the last three hours trying to figure out this blasted computer. Finally think I got it. I forgot to set up my firewall and I think someone hacked into the computer through earthlink and fucked up my connection. So I had to restore the entire operating system, get rid of the earthlink, re-establish my AOL connection, set up firewalls, and reinsall Norton antivirus, not to mention every other program on the computer. Gonna have to re-download AIM and Yahoo messenger.
I only just ate dinner, I feel so tired.
I just wish I could be unconscious all day long. Not dead, just unconscious. Not have to get irritated or to lose control or get yelled at. :-(
Thats it for now
A quick run down:
1)Interview at a jewelry store today. I felt good during the interview. The lady who saw me was nice. But it took all of ten minutes, and i'm beginning to learn that short = bad.
2)On the way home I started screaming at myself. Not verbally, but mentally. Kept feeding myself all these worst case scenarios. Like that I'll never find employment, that I'll die alone, that I'll never make anymore new friends for the rest of my life. I was a mess by the time I got home.
3)At home my computer went wiggy. I signed on and got an error message saying "remote procedure call unexpectedly terminated, you have 60 seconds to close all programs before the system shuts down." Well the first time it happened I just let the darn thing do ...it's thing. But when it restarted, the same messege came up...and the system shut down again. And on and on. It was a vicious cycle that made it impossible for me to use my computer. I tried calling Dell and couldn't get through. I was flipping out and crying cause all I wanted to do was type in my journal and I just started screamiing, and crying and praying for all the god damn pain in my life to just go away.
Little things will do that. I just felt there was nothing I couuld do to save my computer and that is kinda how I feel about my life right now so I just...flew off the handle. Spent three hours trying to call the Dell customer service number. Couldn't get through. Eventually i just tired out and decided to take a nap. Left Mom a note before I fell asleep telling her I'd had a bad day and to please not wake me up when she got home.
4) Mom arrives home a half hour after I drift off and wakes me up. She was in a horrible mood, and started yelling at me the moment I stirred. Screaming at me to clean up the living room (even though she's the one who messed it up,) and telling me to be more considerate of everyone in the house even though...I have no idea what I've done to warrent this lecture. It's like she woke me up just so she could have somebody to yell at. I held my tongue and just did what she told me to.
5) Spent the last three hours trying to figure out this blasted computer. Finally think I got it. I forgot to set up my firewall and I think someone hacked into the computer through earthlink and fucked up my connection. So I had to restore the entire operating system, get rid of the earthlink, re-establish my AOL connection, set up firewalls, and reinsall Norton antivirus, not to mention every other program on the computer. Gonna have to re-download AIM and Yahoo messenger.
I only just ate dinner, I feel so tired.
I just wish I could be unconscious all day long. Not dead, just unconscious. Not have to get irritated or to lose control or get yelled at. :-(
Thats it for now
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I'm sorry your day was so bad. *hugshugshugs*
You're too nice to have to put up with this sort of thing... I hope you feel better soon.. feel free to message me if you want or need. *hugs*
Also....
3)At home my computer went wiggy. I signed on and got an error message saying "remote procedure call unexpectedly terminated, you have 60 seconds to close all programs before the system shuts down." Well the first time it happened I just let the darn thing do ...it's thing. But when it restarted, the same messege came up...and the system shut down again. And on and on. It was a vicious cycle that made it impossible for me to use my computer. I tried calling Dell and couldn't get through. I was flipping out and crying cause all I wanted to do was type in my journal and I just started screamiing, and crying and praying for all the god damn pain in my life to just go away.
And I just started having this problem at work today. I couldn't figure it out in the 45 minutes before I left, but the system is running apparently well. :-/
But we have a firewall up on our entwork, and we have advanced security on that machine, so I dunno how anyone could've gotten in unless it's a microsoft generated problem
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Little things are often enough to crush you completely when you're already feeling depressed. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you get the job too.
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Noticed something
I don't wanna loose anyone else, even tho' I don't know , know him, if you get my drift I do care what happens to him...Thanks
Re: Noticed something
Re: Noticed something
Re: Noticed something