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The Nightmare in Daylight
I hate this. Everytime I sit down at a computer to type or check email or even send out a resume, I feel brain dead. I feel like the screen is sucking every last bit of ife out of me. And why? Because I'm online WAY too much!!!
It's really getting pathetic. I know why I do it though. I have absolutely nothing going on in my real life. No job, no friends, no social life, no one to do anything with, and nothing that genuinely interests me. On a typical day I might leave the house once just to walk to the grocery store or to Barnes and Noble. But most days I'm just here, in my house, with nothing to do. I'm sick of television, books can't hold me forever, and music has lost all of it's charm, so i wind up online.
Out here I can type as much as I want, I can take online quizzes, I can talk to my friends hence creating a fuct sort of social life for myself, I can go places online and can do things. I love it out here. But I still hate it.
I hate it that I am so lazy and scared and inept that i can't even function in my real waking life. I sit on my couch all day feeling brain dead. Wow...so...wait, I feel brain dead whether I'm online or not. Guess it's lack of intellectual and social stimulation thats doing theis to me.
But, one way or the other, internet is where i like to be these days. I feel better out here. If I could be online all day everyday I think I would be. Isn't that sick? I'd say this is a depressive relapse but i don't feel depressed. Maybe it's just plain old fear. Fear of whatever the hell is out there... in the world. I never liked the world. I'd much prefer to stay away from it. So...I interact in a non world. A world where nothing is static, where everything is mutable and intagible. Without form a world can't hurt you, which is why I like it out here I guess. Nothing can hurt me, and my mistakes don't matter.
But how do I fix this? How do I get over the fear of...darn near everything? I don't know.
I can feel a self-exporitory new age kick coming on.
It's really getting pathetic. I know why I do it though. I have absolutely nothing going on in my real life. No job, no friends, no social life, no one to do anything with, and nothing that genuinely interests me. On a typical day I might leave the house once just to walk to the grocery store or to Barnes and Noble. But most days I'm just here, in my house, with nothing to do. I'm sick of television, books can't hold me forever, and music has lost all of it's charm, so i wind up online.
Out here I can type as much as I want, I can take online quizzes, I can talk to my friends hence creating a fuct sort of social life for myself, I can go places online and can do things. I love it out here. But I still hate it.
I hate it that I am so lazy and scared and inept that i can't even function in my real waking life. I sit on my couch all day feeling brain dead. Wow...so...wait, I feel brain dead whether I'm online or not. Guess it's lack of intellectual and social stimulation thats doing theis to me.
But, one way or the other, internet is where i like to be these days. I feel better out here. If I could be online all day everyday I think I would be. Isn't that sick? I'd say this is a depressive relapse but i don't feel depressed. Maybe it's just plain old fear. Fear of whatever the hell is out there... in the world. I never liked the world. I'd much prefer to stay away from it. So...I interact in a non world. A world where nothing is static, where everything is mutable and intagible. Without form a world can't hurt you, which is why I like it out here I guess. Nothing can hurt me, and my mistakes don't matter.
But how do I fix this? How do I get over the fear of...darn near everything? I don't know.
I can feel a self-exporitory new age kick coming on.
no subject
I'm, uh, not much help.